Thursday, December 31, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my daily 2-card The Justice of Ma’at reading, One card represents my Heart, as it is today ; the other card represents the Feather of Truth, that against which my Heart shall be weighed and if found wanting, my Heart and I shall be thrown to the monster Ammit, to be devoured and never see the Afterlife. Cool, eh? Luckily, Tarot reading doesn’t carry quite the same imperatives, although we have all met a client or three we would LIKE to throw to Ammit. Ah well. Today I’ve pulled the 4 of Swords as my heart card and III the Empress as the Feather of Truth. (The deck is *Tarocchi delle 78 Porte* by Antonella Platano & Pietro Alligo. RSW classic system, theme revolving around Doors, opening & closing them, etc. Doors are liminal places as we all know anyway. Acceptable but not special.) My Heart is resting today, and boy, do I feel that in more ways than one. This is really a card about inner meditation and concentration, which can seem like indifference but is in actually a far cry from it. It is absorbing past developments & hurts and doing so in an analytical manner. The man is blind because he is not focused outside of himself, but rather into himself. I feel a lot like this at the moment – 2015 was so chockful of developments on all 3 levels: physical; mental; spiritual. I need time to “synthesize,” to “grok” how the whole marionette shaped up and did it work, no crossed or fouled strings. Which is all fine and good, I’m the 1st one to give myself time off to “process;” sometimes that means I am actually processing, but at others it means I am procrastinating, something I try not to do much anymore (such a waste of time.) As 2016 starts, it would serve me well to use this “restful respite” to encapsulate 2015 and put it with the other years & centuries I keep locked in my Vault of Time. (I’m far, far older than you think.) (Do you listen to music when you do write-ups? Right now I’m listening to a beautiful recording of Chopin nocturnes played by Arthur Rubinstein. Heavenly. Mme. Miller is more prone to big dramatic music; Beethoven symphonies, Mozart operas, and oddly enough, Georg Philipp Telemann.) At any rate, I get this 4 today, walking “blindly” down the street, his mind occupied with other things, far more important things. His basic constitution is Truce. He sits in Chesed in the Tree of Life, by way of Air. In astrology he is Jupiter in the 3rd decan of Libra. An airy Libran, oh boy, I have difficulty with that. “The mind has solved a problem, found a solution, completed a process, or has come to a good, satisfying compromise. Jupiter keeps the scales of Libra in harmonious balance, and the truce can be enjoyed full-hearted. Though, for the Air stability means stagnation, therefore the restful truce should be used for reflection and reconsideration, the idea that has become full circle in the calm realms of Chesed needs to proceed to further levels.” (Raven) That’s Raven, of course, making things a bit clearer for me. “Accept the compromise, rest, Mark, all of the storms will eventually circle around again and you must be rested and ready for them.” This is all supportable because today, AGAIN, the Feather of Truth is embodied in III the Empress! She has been around a lot lately, and in many of her avatars. I feel as if I’m beginning to become friends with her, and She is certainly going out of her way to be attentive and gentle to me. Here, today, the Gates of the Gardens of Emotion and Beauty are again open to me; she hasn’t been stinting since our reconciliation. Sometimes she threatens to swamp the boat; there is so much she wants to convey all at once! I can’t be having my Solar Bark swamped, now, can I? But she has come to understand that and delivers now at my capacity to handle (most of the time.) As always, she is on the Path of Daleth, 14, in the Tree of Life. She is Venus in Taurus, standing for fertility and growth, and Earth rules Taurus. She is actually on the axis between Chokmah and Binah, she IS of Earth. She is 3, the synthesis of Harmony after the opposition of the 2. “The Empress is the friendlier, more approachable aspect of the female archetype. She stands for maternity, love and mercy; at the same time she's a symbol for sexuality and emotion. She is pure feeling, absolutely unintellectual, but basically life. The Empress is the Great Mother, representing the beginning of all life. She is the power of nature, causing change, renewal, major plans.” (Raven)  There you have it, short and sweet. The Lady who has been paying me a lot of attention lately, since last March 2015 in fact, and who culminated “our” festivities just before & during the Winter Solstice with an emotional, planet-busting storm of the 1st magnitude and all of my emotional defenses fell, like the walls of Jericho. I think, however, she is saying wonderful things, here,” When you return from your walk, old man, come and see me. I have more things to share with you.” Nothing buoys me up as much lately as good news from the Goddess. Isis is very, very good to me, and I in return give her attention when she speaks. She is something I realized after 60+ I had never really had; maternal love, trust, fulfillness, the joy of great abundance. And I don’t feel like the greedy child asking for more sweets, either; I feel chosen by the Goddess to receive, if you will, “intense remedial courses” on how to be a fully functioning human being with all processes in perfect running order. Or at least so I hope, with the blessings of the Cosmos. May the Cosmos Bless you, too!   

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card daily Balance of Ma’at reading Today we have the 6 of Swords as the Heart card and the Feather of Truth is represented by II the High Priestess. (Today’s deck is *Tarot of the Animal Lords* by Angelo Giannini. Normally it is the style of deck I stay light-years from because of the cutesy-wootsie theme, but actually, it isn’t bad. It handles like a dream, shuffling, mixing, fanning, etc. and if one doesn’t mind a bit of anthropomorphization in their decks, it’s OK. I won’t throw it out or give it to street-corner urchins.) But for my purposes, we are all going to ignore all but the meaning of the cards, and the illustrations can go live in Animal Land. My Heart today is the 6 of Swords, and yeah, I am feeling kind of 6-ish today. Not really committed to the growth sequence today, but a 6 nevertheless; not the “travel & enrichment” side, but the down-in-the-dumps depression and constraint that usually occupy this card when reversed. Let’s look at his skeleton for explications: well, his other name is Science. He is in Tiphareth (Beauty) on the Tree of Live grace of the Element Air. In astrology his is Mercury in the 2nd decan of Aquarius.  Raven has this to say, “In the beautiful harmony of Tiphareth, the Six of Swords have overcome the crisis of the Five, the emotional wounds are healed and the element concentrates on its origin potentials, its very own powers and qualities.” Well, perhaps, but today I’m not feeling so resolved and therefore curious. The Shadow side of this card is too much application of rationalism, distrust & misanthropy, which again are REVERSED qualities, but I’m not reversed. But maybe I should be, or else the card is saying that that is REALLY the field today where I have to do some work, and there is a goal. My Feather of Truth today is II the High Priestess. IT’s almost too ludicrous, isn’t it, the answer? “You wonder why you are feeling like this. Enter, enter beyond my veils, and search for your answers,” she calmly says to me with the ghost of a smile hovering around her mouth (or tusks, in this instance.) So, to find out why I am still so uncomfortable “outside,” I have to go “inside.” Makes perfect sense to me, said the Walrus to the Oyster. Somniferes really don’t let you rest; they let you sleep, but isn’t “recuperative” sleep, it’s just a state of corporeal unconscious where no interior healing can take place; that’s how I feel today. So I’m going to cut this short and spare everyone my endless blahblah today. I need to rethink my day, I think. May the Cosmos bless you!


Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my daily 2-card The Scales of Ma’at reading. I’m starting to feel Balance return after the emotional roller coaster ride of the last few weeks to a month. The Waters are calming and Fire has come back out of its cave to burn in the open Air once again. The Earth is a little churned up, but that’s good, that’s planting ground for the crop I’m trying to grow now. Today I’ve drawn the 4 of Pentacles as my Heart card and representing the Feather of Truth is the Ace of Cups. (Today’s deck is *Tarocchi di Vetro” by Elizabetta Trevisan. An Italian deck taken on reinterpretations of stained glass. I have another, different stained glass deck I prefer more, but this deck DOES have something, I’m not sure what. Highly traditional. I must reserve, for the moment.)The 4 of Pentacles is awful stable, and I’m not sure that is an accurate representation of my Heart today. It isn’t really calm & foursquare, but that is what it wants to be. The 4 is also named Power, sits in Chesed in the Tree of Life and comes through the Earth element. In astrology he is the Sun in the 3rd decan of Capricorn. What does that mean? That means he is not prone to risks, which at this point I understand, I NEED calm time to fully process and absorb my latest landscape-sculpting storm. It’s really kind of a dull time, actually, which falls just as well now, between the Pillars of Herakles, the 25th and New Year’s eve/day. I leave it to you to figure out which one is Scylla and which Charybdis. “The 4 of Pentacles has reached the realm of Chesed, the fields of condensation, growth and stability, standing in the structural discipline of the Four. The work of the Three has paid off; the fruits are rich and manifold. Therefore, the 4 of Pentacles represent success, establishment, proficiency, comfort and security not only in material values, but in familiar relations and profession. Thus, the power it supplies is grown from peace and security, the well-deserved reward for good work and concentrated effort. It has nothing to do with any ruling force, and it won't ask for it.” (Raven) That’s Raven, my oft-consulted oracle for when I want a bare-boned strip down on a card. He’s short on words and long on wisdom, like most ravens. So today my Heart is concerned, is “weighted by” the care to be given to moderating attachment and not leaving a toehold for fear of loss and avarice to sneak their way in. I shall need to keep the Heart’s Drive in stability, security, and gain while I shine the Light of assured material gain, rank, success, wealth, productivity. I would apply ALL of those “money” adjectives to my work on myself, not as cash incentives! Ha! Lifting my gaze from my Heart to the Feather of Truth is also quite a jump in levels of power, energy and movement. Today the Feather of Truth is the Ace of Cups, the Root of the Powers of Water, and Kether in the Tree of Life (through the spring of soul). In astrology it is ALL signs of water. The Ace of Cups shows the way deep into our soul, to detect beauty and trust. It stands for the sources of love, for growing feelings, the desire for a relationship or the readiness to have a friend.” Referring to the Kabballah, the Ace of Cups is attached to Briah - the world of pure feeling and sensitive intention. It is the female counterpart of the Ace of Wands, representing the female element water as a sign for devotion and care. The card also tells that the beauty and the ugly are two poles belonging together. Without shadow, there's no light - and mud is needed to make liliths [lilies?] blossom.” (Raven) Clever of Raven to leave the Lilith to titillate. I am hoping, SINCERELY hoping, that this is oracular metatalk for me pulling together various parts of myself with a new constitution, a new understanding and a new love, and NOT a new affair of the heart! Gods forbid! Between re-establishing my now-altered kingship and dealing with the depth of the Goddess as well as the God of Light & Darkness, I have quite enough really hot love affairs going on right now, I’m not suffering any dearth. However, being me, I NEED to fight a bit against that desire to melt in one another, sympathy, and devotion, the beginning of a friendship or passion. That isn’t how I want to fritter away this particular stream of energy, (“I have other plans, Mr. Bond . . . don’t we, pussy?” addressing the obese white-haired Persian cat on my knees.) I shall be happy to settle for the Light to be found here in this card to serve as my Feather of Truth today: emotional capacity, fertility, productiveness. 


Monday, December 28, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card daily The Balance of Ma’at reading, where the 1st card represents the state of my Heart, and it is “mythologically” being weighed against the Feather of Truth of the goddess Ma’at, Justice & Right-Living. Now, don’t believe that I flagellate the 1st with the 2nd, far from it. I hope to use the Feather each and every day as that day’s core-point to remember and implement, while processing my Heart. Simple enough, eh? HA. Like all human endeavor, easy to state yet problematic to initiate at times. Today I am confronted with a very large Heart indeed, XXI the World, and as the Feather of Truth today I need to seek the precept in what is admittedly a perplexing draw, the 6 of Cups. (Today’s deck is *Tarocchi della Spirale Mistica* by Giuseppe Palumbo & Giovanni Pelosini. While it lays vague claim to being “tuned in” to other disciplines [Alchemy? Kabbalah? Maybe . . .] it is firmly traditional. It is a “pleasant” deck.) I can nail the Heart card easily enough, because that is EXACTLY where my heart has been this last week; use every cliché you want, that was me; heart-on-my-sleeve, rampant out-of-control empathy, weepy at the death of a match, it was ALL going on, and I nearly felt capsized and drowned in the Waters of the Mother. I HAD asked for it, it was just . . . well, just MORE than I had expected! After a couple of late-night “rough-it-up” sessions with testosterone-loaded films & discussions with some “potes,” (slangy, French “guy friends”,) I feel I’ve brought a little bit of Balance to my heart, precarious though it may be. As I’ve said before, I get it that being a hardass for all those years was in preparation for this, but to see your “hardass-ship” take off in such a different direction as to serve as your bouclier for Empathy, well, it takes me a few heartbeats to adjust. So, what IS my Heart today? XXI - The World. She is on the Path of Tau, 32 in the Tree of Life. Neptune is her cosmic omniscience and Pluto is her central power of creation; yet, she is represented by Saturn. On the Tree of life, she goes from Malkuth to Yesod. An Earth element, numerologically she is 21 as the symbol of the whole, 3 x 7, the cross sum is the 3. “The Universe/World as the end and completion of the Major Arcana is the symbol for the zenith of development - the achieved goal. The work is done or will soon be and we have found our place in life or will soon do so. Seeing the second decade of the Major Arcana as a way of self-realization, the Universe becomes the crown and the end. The Death was the rebirth, the Art the beginning of the alchemic work, the Devil the overcoming of restrictions, the Tower the breakdown of the jail. We followed the Star, explored the Moon, found the Sun and watched the Phoenix rise from the ashes. Finally, we touched the Universe/World.” (Raven, waxing poetic in a rare moment.) This doesn’t mean that I think my Heart’s work is done, but it has reached a grand plateau for the moment, one where I can see leagues & leagues further across the Sea than before, to misty island shores. For now, I am happy with that. Moving on, I’m looking at my Feather of Truth today, the 6 of Cups, and admit to, perhaps not obfuscation, but certainly a bit of mystification. The 6 is “Pleasure,” which is a weak word. He’s in Tiphareth in the Tree of Life, and is a Water card. In astrology he is the Sun in the 2nd decan of Scorpio. Meaning, more or less, that the lessons of 5 have been learned, and 6 has evolved as being open to all directions and thus resolution of imbalance. Other than the general blow-smoke-up-your-ass feel-good-ness of the card, though, their artistic portrayal here intrigues me. It is Gurdjieff, as a dervish, whirling in an “Ecstatic state” which for lack of a better phrase is EXACTLY that acceptance and transformation of the differences (certainly emotional and all that Cups signify) into a trance of Ecstatic experience. I find that beautiful, and believe I’ve found the Feather for the day – “Rise, Rise on the wings of Your Heart Phoenix and dance for Ecstasy.”  Or at least that is what I sincerely hope. “The Six of Cups will tell of deep emotions that have passed the depths of pain and fear and therefore will enjoy the pleasures of harmony and devotion more than ever before.” (Raven) That’s Raven again, chipping in with one of his non-sequiturs which are never not-on-point. I can actually feel this, this precept in today’s Feather, I have been so terribly close to it lately, but hadn’t found my “sea-legs” sufficiently to stand upright on the deck and face the Light, I was too busy trying not to drown – ha. And in the end, my 6 of Cups comes back to Inner Sourcing, feeding my own growth with the harvest of my seeding. I can deal with that, yes, I can, because it is SO in line with exactly where I want to go next. Good Journeying to you, too!  

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card daily draw, the Balance of Ma’at. The 1st card = my Heart & the 2nd = the Feather of Truth. I’ve drawn an interesting pair today, I the Magician as my Heart and the 10 of Swords as the Feather of Truth. BTW, that Heart is me making my way through the confusion and the upset and the drudgery and yes, sometimes the excitement and wonder and sheer magic of being me. On a daily basis. We know too well the drudgery of being ourselves; but think! Think back to that last magical smile or laugh or stare of awed wonder and one can remember the joys, too. I asked the cards specifically this morning for some Male energy to recharge my Man-Batteries, which were rather wet & sputter after several days in the Water worshipping at the feet of the Goddess. I had a WONDERFUL time, but seriously, that constant emotional earthquake effect becomes VERY unnerving after two or three days of it. I became moved opening a can of cat food! (Joke, but it really IS that all-powerful.) I badly needed a change of clothes & weather, and above all some Energy to balance that IMMENSE, OVERWHELMING experience of being open to the Goddess and letting her heal others in healing me; I have NEVER, ever, had a Holiday Season present like that, it was simply beyond magnificence; it was almost beyond my ability to Live it. Well, back to Me, men, male energy, and a sudden surge of need to reassert the other half of the equation. I the Magician says it pretty well, all things given. Who is he? Well, on Path of Beth 12 in the Tree of Life from Kether to Binah, he is Sun/Mercury in Aries. He is the Element of Air & the Number 1 as symbol for unity (male.) “The Magician represents consciousness, action and creation. He's the symbol for the idea of manifestation - the possibility of making an idea come true. He gives meaning and direction to life, and he reminds us that the emotional and creative powers of our souls must have a physical basis to be of real use. Powers unused are powers non-existent, we have to set them free in order to use them, and to gain and renew.” (Raven) It isn’t that I’m feeling full of myself, but I do feel I am doing such GOOD work lately, working Magic on myself and others; I am exercising my Will and I am directing What & Which I Will. I needed to rough up the edges a bit last night, however; 1st, I watched 2 *The Riddick Chronicles* films and a *Star Trek*, and believe me, if you aren’t surfing waves of testosterone after that dose, you don’t have testicles. But after you’re a Magician, then what? Then where do you go? Hang out and smoke cigarettes Nazi-style in the English countryside à la Dennis Wheatley? No, you dive back in, and THERE you ask, “What next?” For me, the Truth of today came shining out of the darkness in the form of the 10 of Swords as the Feather of Truth. Oh stop it; it’s not a bad card. People throw up their hands and breathe, “Ohhh, Ruin!” Well . . . maybe. 1st let’s identify it, shall we? Sitting in Malkuth in the Tree of Life, and through Air. In Astrology, Sun in the 3rd decan of Gemini. And what does our friend Raven have to say about it? “With the Ten of Swords, the development of human intellect has consequently reached its last step - from the birth of intellect within the Ace to complete ruin within the grounds of the Ten. The card teaches the lesson that endless fighting ends with destruction, endless analysis with the complete loss of hope and belief. It forces the lesson of the Nine of Swords to its inevitable conclusion. But with the Sun above it, it does not lack every hope. It will silently return to its origin again, to the first spark of mind in the Ace, to start all over again. By the way, every Ten in the Minor Arcana stands for the end of a process, for the need to restart or at least variate, only the Ten of Swords have an amazingly crude way to put it into words - that's just the way they are.” (Raven) Ah, those Swords, that’s just the way they are. So what this is is now clear to me: I must take the Magician back inside, and look for Transformation, and a new Light: Rebirth, realization, the end of a cycle, wisdom through pain and loss. It has been a long, long 2015 full of pain and loss, from family death on down the ladder of catastrophes. That, REALLY, was why the Goddess payed me such an INTENSE visit – I SO need to grieve, I still do. But she’s there, now. She’s with me. So, I’m going to take her hand, and with my Heart firmly fixed on Transformation and the Blessings and Goodwill of the Lord of the Light and of the Darkness, I’m going back down, it seems. Time to find a newer, different Mark, a Mark 2.0, if you will.  


Saturday, December 26, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my morning The Balance of Ma’at daily reading, or at least as daily as I feel like it. I’m really not in the mood for this this morning, but I am in the space for it: it is important to distinguish the two; you can be “ugly” & “grumpy,” but you can still be in a heightened place to read the cards. Funny how that works; of course, it is reflected in the cards, but so are other things. Other sometime true things you don’t really want to look at, but your discomfort has brought them floating to the surface, like turds in a punch bowl. Today I am suffering from insomnia, that’s all, but it makes me grumpy; it isn’t as if I haven’t spent more than a few “nuits blanches,” but when you want to sleep because your body is uncomfortable, then the white turns a bit gritty & grimy. Well, on with it. Today my Hear card is the 5 of Wands, in a deck (*Shapeshifter Tarot* by Hunt, Conway & Knight; 81 card deck; a Pagan deck, thus Goddesses heads the suits, not Kings; Elements are assigned differently) which accompanies its “Struggle” card as a wolf & dove? In the cold wastes, a ¼ moon over head and trudging through the night. Yep, that’s me right now, and how my Heart feels. Not that I’ve abandoned my Greater Purpose, it’s just that my body is miserable tonight, and the card shows it. I can live with that; I don’t like it, but I can live with it. What is the 5 of Wands, call it Air or Fire, which SHOULD be significant to me other than my temporary physical concerns? “It is Geburah through Fire (or Air, in this deck :) Astrologically, it is Saturn in the 1st decan of Leo. And, like all Fives, the Five of Wands stands for Geburah - motion and changing and the powers of destruction - and 5 is the number that breaks the stability and structure of the Four.” (Raven) Okay, I get it; I set up temporary stability and structure in the clinic to recuperate, and no matter that there’s no place like home, I broke the one to move (back) to the other. Now I have to make HERE my “Four” again. I get it, I get it. It’s hard to concentrate on the good works one wants to accomplish in the Heart when the body is hurting; but my heart is still large enough to take my problems with a pound of salt and get on with it. There’s really nothing else to do, is there? And for all intents and purposes, my Heart is full of love tonight, not for just an understanding wife, but full of Love because earlier I was crying for all the Pain if feel around me, not in me, the pain of others, of the World, of men and women trapped in the Illusion and full of Despair.  Some random cruelty I witnessed on the news had sped to my Heart & found an opening. I cry easily now, after a lifetime of being a Hardass.  Pain springs upon me from others, and rather than rebuff I open and accept and try to heal. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that I was crazy, but I DO know better. This is where being a hardass led me; to having the strength to do this, a kind of automatic empathy that is SO fucking hard & devastating but SO healing and releasing of the Spirit. So, Mr. Soft Touch, where does this take you? Eh? Well, if I’m to believe the cards, my Feather of Truth today is III the Mother. Look at Her, Queen of the Cosmos and Lady of the Light; this isn’t Mother Nature that has been depicted here as much as the Queen, the Goddess, “She.” Venus in Taurus, she stands for fertility and growth with Earth ruling Taurus. She is the axis between Chokmah and Binah. “She is pure feeling, absolutely unintellectual, but basically life. The Empress is the Great Mother, representing the beginning of all life. She is the power of nature, causing change, renewal, major plans.” (Raven) I like that. I like that during this 5 of Wands struggle, I should look at the shining Truth of the day, the Goddess looking at me, in me, through me, and even while healing me using me. (Now you see? That makes me tear up, too!) I think one reason I become so emotional about the Goddess now is that I denied her for so long any role in my life, or at least one of which I cared to be cognizant. I have made some amazing “male” discoveries about myself lately, some of which I really dislike, and I am sure She has a hand in opening my eyes. (I’m working on erasing those old programs; they are deep-rooted and take more than one application of Light.) I have a little Tarot routine/ritual I do every morning before I read the cards; I think I need to make an addition of particular mention of thanks to the Goddess, I think she might like that. Well, enough waxing future-nostalgic, I’m feeling MUCH better just contemplating her incomparable beauty and Grace for being in my life. So, instead of using more of my words, I will give way to an ancient Hymn to Isis, reconstituted from Nag Hammadi fragments:

I am the Beginning and the End.
I am honored and scorned.
I am the prostitute and the saint.
I am married and a maiden.
I am the mother and the daughter.
I am the limbs of my mother.
I am barren
and my children are many.
I am she who married magnificently,
and I have no husband.
I am the one who brings children and I do
not bear children.
I am the consolation of labor pains.
I am the bride and the bridegroom,
and my husband brought me forth.
I am my father’s mother
and my husband’s sister,
and he is my child.
I am the incomprehensible silence
and the idea often brought to mind.
I am the voice sounding throughout the world
and the word appearing everywhere.
I am the sounding of my name,
For I am knowledge and ignorance.
I am shame and bravery.
I am without shame; I am full of shame.
I am power and I am trepidation.
I am conflict and peace.
Listen to me,
For I am the scandalous and magnificent one.


Good Morning and Welcome! to my 2-card Scales of Ma’at daily drawing for 26/Dec/2015: the 7 of Wands as my Heart and as the Feather of Truth the 4 of Swords. Well, hi, everyone! It’s been a while, but I’m home again and back in my “Santa Muerta” bureau with hundreds of Tarots and a most unholy mess! Also, I’m still weak & need a lot of rest every day, but I AM free! of that admittedly luxurious chateau-clinic where I was recuperating. I do feel moved, however, even excited, to re-begin the Scales of Ma’at daily readings, even when they aren’t ALWAYS “daily.” Ha! Today I’ve got a rather straightforward reading, the cards on being kind on my 1st day back in the saddle. My Heart is the 7 of Wands today, which is both appropriate and perhaps far-seeing. Progressing through physical recovery is now up to no one but me; since I am out of the clinic. The recovery isn’t finished, of course. But it is within the realm of MY doing it without team help; and so I must. I’m still weak & unsteady, but that will get better. And on the Spiritual side of this card, it speaks to my decision over the last few weeks to openly declare my allegiance to the Process & the Path and to devote myself OPENLY to that work now. No more “hidden little secrets,” not that it EVER WAS that! but you grok what I mean. It’s less traumatic than coming out of the gay closet, but just as life-changing. My Courage and Inner Strength have been tested by Fire and have come through unscathed, even if reeling a little, and I’m going forward. Tarotman returns to Gotham! As the Feather of Truth today, there is the blessedly restful 4 of Swords. Restful, yes, but not inactive. It’s time to let the body continue to recuperate while I take the mind in, in and down, down, looking for the wells of my soul, my creativity, my essence & my divinity. I need to dive deep, and it is a good time to do it – I’m recuperating at home, thus no constant interruptions from a well-meaning staff wanting blood samples, temperature readings, putting syringes in my admittedly lovely asscheeks, etc. I am entering a specially blessed time, the Change of a Year, The Change of My Vision and the Change of Importance & Urgency in carrying my work forward to get as far along the Path as is possible in what Time the Norns have given me. I’ve been going through a re-birth of my Kemetic “faith,” recently (I LOVE the “system,” I worship at NO religion.) There’s a point to it, I’m sure. Kemetics go back to my early childhood; the 1st books I EVER read from the public library were about Egypt and the gods and etc. I believed in THEM long before societal & family pressure co-opted me into “organized” religion (now THAT’S a joke! Organized! HA! About as organized as the vultures feasting on a dead Jew thrown into the desert!)  Kemetics, is, of course, not unique or alone in my mental cosmogony, but they are important because the embody Truths to me: Spirituality; Beauty; Truth; Character; Worth, and an approach to life that tells you, “you, whether you are great or small, whether you are Pharaoh or servant, can participate in the Goodness and the Beneficence of Ma’at, *Living in Right Balance*.” “We ALL voyage to Eternity when we live in Ma’at.” I can’t possibly tell you how all-encompassing and all-important this is to me; I believe in this as I believe in the necessity of air for my body. Rarely, I weep, secretly, at the lack of Ma’at in the world, because I’m a sentimental kind of guy, you know? But, I shake my head, I blow my nose, and I reaffirm to myself, “We build Ma’at one brick at a time. WE do. So, get out there and help make things right.” And I lever the old carcass up and rumble forward, antique juggernaut that I am, and I ask the cards how I can help. You know, EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I HAVE APPROACHED THE CARDS WITH SERIOUISNESS AND HONOR, THEY HAVE COME THROUGH FOR ME. Never, not once, have I ever had something so terribly off the mark it was baffling. IF I DO get a reading like that, my gaze swings INSTANTLY inward, because the fault is in my approach, or rarely, the question/Querent.  I don’t doubt the cards any longer; I haven’t for a very long time. (Marcus Katz told a story the other day about “Just Read The Cards,” and it was so right on and so evocative of exactly what the cards are and do and even why, and what WE are doing there interacting with them.) I’m het-up about and my butt’s on the burner about this; “We need to listen to what we are being told! Dammit! LISTEN!” Don’t you ever get that feeling that it’s just around the corner? Well, it is. I won’t belabor it any further; the Good Taste Police are looking at me as if I may need to be forcibly clothed in out-of-season wraparound white sleeves with a princess bodice. I was amusing myself the other day thinking about Great Bitches in History, and really, you start but you can’t stop. Every time one of these extraordinary women showed up, events turned ever so differently than they could have.  And I’m not talking about Great Women; Marie Curie was a Great Woman, but she is no Great Bitch. Livia, wife of Augustus, was a GB. On and on and on – and why? Because, in their own way, they restore just a bit of Ma’at to a world which is so heavily imbalanced, so “we see white, black doesn’t exist.” So, as something completely off-topic, let me ask you this; the next time you make an automatic judgment to indulge in Imbalance (thought, word, or deed) why are you doing so? Look at your motives. I’ll be looking very carefully at mine.    

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Please accept my apologies for not posting sooner. I am in the hospital until Noël. I "should" be up & posting by the New Year. A Joyous Holiday Season to all of you!

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! dear friends, to the Scales of Ma’at for the 15-Nov-2015: my Heart card is the 3 of Spheres and the Feather of Truth today is the 9 of Scepters. (Today’s deck is the *Liber T: Tarot of Stars Eternal* by Andrea Serio & Roberto Negrini. It is patently a Golden Dawn system deck, in fact VERY similar to Harris’ deck for Crowley. Over the years, I haven’t worked with it because of its bad press [stupidity on my part]. I find, however, that it is a WONDERFUL deck in its own right, one can use it as “training wheels”” for a Thoth deck I suppose and it is far more clear in its presentation of the symbolism than the original Thoth Tarot. Fuck all you critics, I like it!) Today, I’ve drawn two minor arcana cards – I’ll admit to a bit of childishness; when I don’t draw a Major as one of my cards, I’m always just a bit disappointed, a feeling which I immediately dismiss because I know that ALL 78 cards have an unique message for me each & every time I see them, Major or minor. Still . . . . Ha, at least I can laugh at myself. Today I have drawn the 3 of Spheres as my Heart, well, okay; let’s take a look at his bones, then: aka “Works”, lives in Binah in the Tree of Life by the path of Earth. In astrology he is Mars in the 2nd decan of Capricorn (no shit, the card makes that pretty clear!) Here, “. . . the Three of Disks (Spheres, ed.) enters Binah, the fields of understanding and perception, initiating the process where the project that began in the Two of Disks is viewed and understood against its surrounding i.e. in its completion. The card also talks of the alchemical wedding, in which the alchemical mercury combines Sulphur with salt, thus building the living gold (the philosopher's stone). It implies the basic idea of Earth, the crystallization of its powers and qualities, the commencement of matter to be established.” (Raven) The name of the card is Works, implying a first taste of victory, an admission that progress was made. His drive is manifestation and his Light is progress & crystallization. In general, it’s an odd mechanism that operates in Tarot, isn’t it? The higher up in number one goes, the further from the Ace and thus from the purest manifestation of the suit, until in 10 it “almost” reaches over-maturation and begins the process of putrefaction, UNLESS on moves on. Here at 3 I am still “close to the message,” so to speak. I still have Power; I am at the birth of it, in a way. But “Oh! Oh Woe is Me!’ (throwing my left hand up to defend myself from the evil assault of ill-fortune while my right seeks the violet smelling salts on the night table) What has one here? Ha! My Feather of Truth today is the 9 of Scepters, which, while horribly threatening-seeming, IS actually a card of Vigor here, of triumph over adversity (There! Take THAT! you fucking fucked-up leg, I’m having you replaced and reconstructed! Screw you!), of a Recovery of Health! Hallelujah, Happy Horus!!!Let’s take a look at 9’s bones: aka “Strength”, he lives in Yesod in the Tree of Life, arriving by Fire. In astrology he is the Moon in the 2nd decan of Sagittarius (weirdly oneiric, isn’t it?) and the fiery Wands have reached the happy Nine, the number that reflects on itself. The Nine of Wands remembers its own qualities, showing the full powers of the fiery element rising again. So the card shows strength, determination and discipline, preparing itself for the final step to completion.  His Drive is Spiritual truth & realization, while his Light is a combination of the consciousness with the unconsciousness. The 9 is VERY prone to contradictions! I like to think that this reading is about my upcoming hospital stay to have my left leg eaten by rabid weasels and replaced by cold, unfeeling plastic, just like my heart! LOL! No, no, no, I feel, believe me! That’s an old Mark from decades ago, when I lived by the precept, “Submit, or slay me if you can.” They all submitted, obviously, I’m still here, but OY VEY! The karma I collected! I’ll be working that off until the day I make the Change. People think I’m arrogant NOW, they don’t know 1/10th of it! Oh well, live & learn; even a cold-hearted arrogant bastard has to drop the mask sooner or later. I LIKE the 9; he has NEVER been quite the almost-disaster, the Hell-barely-dodged or sign of Impending Doom to me that he is the RWS system. You know, at that stage of the game, when you have lost or been beaten so badly, the 10 serves just as well as the 9 for portraying the “Oh, I’m fucked.” The 9 here still believes he can pull the 9 from disaster, as a matter of fact is the reflection of Strength itself! But like all 99.99% pure incarnations of anything, sometimes it isn’t enough, even loaded “pur et dur” like that (Fr. – pure & hard), to change the nature of the 10. Normally, this 9 can tell me that I am on the right path. Be wise and distill my judgement from the best sources. I need to hold on, and to see it through. “Know and respect yourself, be true to yourself and value yourself by walking your own path.  Defend your spirit without compromising – be honest.  Preserve your spirit – keep mentally, physically and emotionally fit and your spirit will naturally guide you.” (CrystalClearReflections) Well, yes, I’m glad, more than glad to get some Strength application as I head (feet first) into surgery. (This brings me to a different point. I won’t be writing in the blog normally for a while – this medical wanderjahr is expected to last until Christmas: operation, hospital recovery, then imprisonment in a tower of mirrors until a true Tarot friend shatters all the illusions and sets me free. . . LOLOL, no, and then to a re-education facility for up to 6 weeks of rehab and crying bitterly at night, alone, in the dark . . . LOLOL.  I’ll be fine as long as the occasional visitor brings a joint or three – please vibe that for me out there! Thanks! So wish me well.) I’m okay with today’s reading, no problems at all. I’m not anticipating surgery, but my 3 of Spheres tells me it is going to be done well. My 9 isn’t signaling my upcoming degeneration but the fact that I am carrying a lot of Strength in to this little dance party. So, for today, I acknowledge and grow into my Strength.   

Friday, November 13, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! dear friends, to my daily Scales of Ma’at 2-card reading, for today 14-Nov-2015: VII the Chariot is my Heart card and the 9 of Coins is riding as the Feather of Truth today. Today’s deck is a new acquisition, *The Raven’s Prophecy Tarot* by Maggie Stievfater; with accompanying book named “Illuminating the Prophecy.”  I haven’t cracked the book much yet, but the cards are wonderful!! Does everything those “detached Nature” decks try to do and fail, whereas she succeeds. What usually fails is the ability to make fitting similarities between their artistic vision and the requirements of Tarot. She does so beautifully; with striking NEW imagery for some cards that is STILL highly appropriate. I really like this deck.) (There are only 4 levels in my grading system; R.R. Like, Really Like, Like, and Despise. 3 out of 4 are varying degrees of party, the 4th is the equalizer and failure. You may as well go home and smear yourself with dung and weep at the feet of your spouse or mother. I wasn’t going to write this morning. I pulled the VII, said to myself, “Yeah, I now I’m impatient to get my ass in the hospital Monday so that they can open one of my legs from perineum to toe and see if they can actually detach the 15,000,000 lbs. of steel that has fused itself into the bone over the last two decades, destroying all of my cartilage in the process. (Whether this can be accomplished, only opening me up and LOOKING will tell them. X-Rays don’t cut it.) It is promised that the surgery will be long and delicate, and that I’ll be out for a while, I don’t image it can be any more delicate than the last time: that time they had to install a shunt between my liver and my stomach WHILE BOTH were hemorrhaging. Not that I’m using my body to challenge the limits of surgery, trust me, I’m not!! (After the shut, the docs, here at the center of Medicine for the entire Western World [Montpellier – look it up], the doctors said that modern medicine would be able to do NOTHING to stop a painful death if I aggravated my liver again with alcohol. And you know? In that case, the VII the Chariot DID speed me towards not only the hospital but much greater happiness as a non-drinker. That was 3 years ago. This time, I’m burning to get there; I want to be on the 9 of Coins again REAL soon. I know it means wealth, but for me that Wealth IS my loved ones, being surrounded by them and being alive to share a laugh or a tea with my boys and a stirring moment of victory with my girls – I fuckin’ LOVE my family, the family I Built here, during the last 12 years, and DAMN!! I’ve worked fucking HARD at it. So yeah, I’m invested here, I’ve got “family and friends,” my LIFE is here. I don’t mind giving it up if it is my time, I HONESTLY DON’T, I’m ready to move on at any moment, but I want my family to experience life as a string of bubbles of happiness from here unto Eternity. The Chariot is a do-right-guy; too, he’s no slouch. Let’s take a quick look at his bones, VERY quick: The Chariot is on the Path of Cheth (18) on the Tree of Life. In astrology he is Mars in connection with Sun or Mercury; Mars as symbol of enforcement combines with Sun as symbol for Will or Mercury as the symbol of the Way. He’s in Cancer and on the way from Binah to Geburah. He’s Water, a little surprisingly, and his number, 7, is the number of divine and earthly harmony. “The Chariot stands for combined powers, ready to move forward. It represents the dynamic principle and the human will to proceed, the ability to use the powers of life and keep the outer and inner balance.” (Raven) His Drive is the will to conquer and his Light shines on the awakening of powers and finding one's place in life. (For the general info, I really DISlike the way her book is written here, it is ALL negativity, and that simply isn’t correct. I can see I am going to have to COMPLETELY re-write the book. Harrumph!") Facing us as the Feather of Truth is a lovely image, the first full blossom of the deck, the 9 of Coins. Materially it is right AND wrong; we are alright, but the future is grey to grim, so to speak. On the whole, however, I believe we feel blessed. We are relatively happy, we have a life which we can comfortably live. Let’s take a look at 9’s bones: Nine of Coins – aka Gain, is in Yesod in the Tree of Life, through Earth. In astrology he’s Venus in the 2nd decan of Virgo. The 9 of Disks have reached Yesod, the fields of imagination and reflection, but also of foundation, and in the latter the Disks meet their happiest realms. Fully satisfied with themselfes, they settle down comfortably and gather in the crops, the well-earned rewards for good accomplishment, while enjoying the shining charm of Venus putting everything in sweet light. The card can also stand for health, or successful reconvalescence after illness or injury. With Yesod - reflection and imagination - inside of the perfect harmony of the 9, the 9 of Coins has returned to the middle column of the Tree of Life, enlightened by the beauty of Tiphareth that resides above and just one step from Malkuth as its root and origin, the completion of the journey." (Raven) Rarely, sometimes I think Raven gets carried away on his own wings, but that IS the basic answer. Today’s going to be okay and calm – for both me and my family. I know for myself, I’ll be getting ducks in a row and in order for my absence; the wife isn’t a big self-help starter. It’s ALL good, though, it really is. Just get me to the hospital on time. (And speaking of which, I may or may not post tomorrow as usual. If I go on “silent running” for a while, it is simply me getting better, a process I’m told will take up to 6 weeks. Harrumph! “Not if I have anything to say about it, young man! BTW, you’re very cute, has anyone ever given you a private screen test?” Unfortunately, I have a feeling he would be very high maintenance.) The 9’s Drive is Love while his Light is compassion. I certainly hope so, today, for my sake. In other words: “Life fills me with wonder and Light.”   

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Good morning and Welcome, dear friends, to my Scales of Ma’at 2 card daily draw, where one cared, the 1st, represents your Heart, and the 2nd card is the Feather of Truth, the headdress of the Goddess Ma’at (Maat or Ma'at was the ancient Egyptian concept of truth, balance, order, law, morality, and justice. Maat was also personified as a goddess regulating the stars, seasons, and the actions of both mortals and the deities, who set the order of the universe from chaos at the moment of creation.-Wikipedia) I have a platonic love affair going on with Ma’at. She is something I admire, because my life has been the very model of instability, the god Seth. If you don’t know about Seth, you should. He’s Osiris evil brother who arranges his murder; The murder was avenged by Osiris’ son, Horus, conceived by a magical act of Isis and Osiris’ penis after the latter‘s death. So, here we have the 8 of Cups (AGAIN§) as my Heart card, and for the feather truth I get a Major Arcana, IX the Hermit. As card readers, we are trained more in the interpretation of the Majors; I believe we should be intensely trained in in the interpretation of the minors; they are more numerous, more closely aligned with human behavior and with what people are and are not like. But I’ll ride that three-humped camel later, right now, today’s cards. (Today’s deck is *The Darkana Tarot* by Janden Hale. It’s grubby. “Ma! Dere’s a fishtail in dis dumpster. You want it, or is it mine now? C’mon, hurry, nights comin’ an’ we gotta be outta da wind before it starts for da’ night.” It’s in smudgy black ‘n’ white. It is PERFECT for when you want to do a little Shadow work but not go off the dep end. It will be honest but grubby & uncomfortable. Remember that & you’ll be OK.) My heart card is AGAIN the 8 of Cups. Let’s do the Time Warp again; here is yesterday’s 8 of Cups: /// lives in Hod on the Tree of Life, sailing in on Water. In astrology he’s Saturn in the 1st decan of Pisces, and here is the key line from his character summation: “The Eight of Cups has driven the debauch of the Seven to absolute excess, the delusions have lost all attraction and all that's left is frustration. The sequence of the numbers has reached Hod, calling for structure and logic, but the emotional waters of Briah cannot be happy with this call and remain in dumb resignation.” (Raven) That describes the 8 of Cups down to a “T”.  His Drive is Temporary success whereas his Light is transformation; thus one is too small & the other overly grand. But the idea is, basically, “Zeus! I’m fatigued unto death with these questions & the difficulties & stupidities & incapable spirits & minds; I WASH MY HANDS OF IT!” I do this with a deliberate will to unchain myself from the insolvabilities of the past and seek their “magical” resolution by simply turning to the future and marching onward. “I just simply can’t fuckin’ stay here!”  is the message./// So, I’ll get a DOUBLED influence of this INISTENT card – “MOVE ON, MARK, MOVE ON!!” Well, hell, I am, I think. My Heart may not appreciate the gradual withdrawal of massive doses of emotion, but I DO. As we ALL know, I hope, drama is High Maintenance, and the goal is to be as really low maintenance as possible. IF a bed is comfortable, sleep there. Don’t pull the Princess and the Pea Act. At least not on me – I give that shit short shrift. I’ve been told recently from several sources that I am being too open, giving too much away of myself in these readings by some, encouraged by others. I thank both sides for at least reading me! Ha! But it doesn’t really matter what anyone thinks, I have one, unique voice, and while it may have many masques, it is always the same voice, crying Liberty & Will. Our Feather card today has certainly picked wisely, one might almost say he picked with the wisdom of a holy man: IX, the Hermit. To me he looks kind of Holmsian/Watsonian/Freudian/Jungian; you know, all of that, “But Mother, wake up! We entered the 20th century now! It is 1901!!!” Quickly, his bones: IX - The Hermit - Path of Yod (20) in the Tree of Life. In astrology he is Saturn as the keeper of the gate, or Saturn in Aquarius, standing for the search of wisdom and the keeping of independence. On the Zodiac in the Virgin, and axes between Chesed and Tiphareth. His Element is Earth and his number, 9 as the number going back into itself (3 x 3). His Drive is Retreat, inner vision and introspection, whereas his Light is wisdom and the Inner Light. On the surface, I rarely feel like him anymore, and when I did so it was for a very short time in relative terms. That particular carapace has been lifted off this old tortoise, and if I’m to put it back on and dedicate any real time to it, I’ll need some help; I might even need an acolyte. PLUS, just on the 3D Side of things, coming out of this operation next week and the reeducation towards the end of December, I am being GIVEN THE TIME ON A GOLDEN PLATTER TO DO EXACTLY THIS. Well, you do NOT look a ToL gift horse in the mouth, you might see the real you in the reflection off his pearly whites . . . I AM looking forward to (8 of Cups) moving on and leaving SEVERAL anchors behind when I exit the physical process of healing under their care. I am looking FORWARD to having the time to spend with MYSELF, to sit down and take honest-to-Light inventory, take stock of myself from top to bottom and then make a report on the “State of the Nation.” AND THEN 8C and IXH and I will step out of our meditation plane and re-enter in a more active mode the Journey. Today, I dwell at the center of myself.  

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! dear friends to my Scales of Ma’at daily reading for 12-Nov-2015: my Heart card today is the 8 of Cups (again!) and the Feather of Truth today is the 7 of Wands. (Today’s deck is *The Lilith Bible Tarot* by Lorelei Douglas. Lorelei also gave us *The Golden Age of Hollywood Tarot*, so if you know that deck you already have a grasp on her style of art & presentation. Personally, I love it! Lorelei is simply REALLY clear about what she wants a card to be, and that is immensely helpful to the reader who doesn’t have the vaguest idea what some abstract artist’s splashes of color are supposed to mean. It’s a “Bible story,” but it IS different, as you will have guessed from the title. Quick teaser – if you don’t know, Lilith was the 1st wife of Adam, Eve was the 2nd. [Out of curiosity, does anyone else picture Lilith as a brunette and Eve as a blonde?] Now, for the rest, either go spend the day at your local metaphysical bookstore or open Lorelei’s deck. I LIKE it!) I’m getting very familiar with a card to which normally I would pay little attention. The 8 of Cups, (Crowley’s) Indolence again. Sigh, OK, here are the BARE bones, I’m not going to wax deep and profound about him today. 8 lives in Hod on the Tree of Life, sailing in on Water. In astrology he’s Saturn in the 1st decan of Pisces, and here is the key line from his character summation: “The Eight of Cups has driven the debauch of the Seven to absolute excess, the delusions have lost all attraction and all that's left is frustration. The sequence of the numbers has reached Hod, calling for structure and logic, but the emotional waters of Briah cannot be happy with this call and remain in dumb resignation.” (Raven) That describes the 8 of Cups down to a “T”.  His Drive is Temporary success whereas his Light is transformation; thus one is too small & the other overly grand. But the idea is, basically, “Zeus! I’m fatigued unto death with these questions & the difficulties & stupidities & incapable spirits & minds; I WASH MY HANDS OF IT!” I do this with a deliberate will to unchain myself from the insolvabilities of the past and seek their “magical” resolution by simply turning to the future and marching onward. “I just simply can’t fuckin’ stay here!”  is the message. Today he has an odd Feather of Truth to weigh himself against, the 7 of Wands (Crowley’s “Valour.”) Quick quick quick; in Netzach on the Tree, by fire; astrology, Mars in 3rd decan of Leo, Drive is courage and Initiation. The illustration is wonderful; it is the story of Rizpah, a concubine of Saul in the Old Testament. Pick up a Bible and read it if it interests you. The point of it is that even when you have lost it all, it is Right to defend what you have left, no matter how small, no matter how “miserable” (in the true sense of the word, “worth nothing.”) So, what do I have to defend that seems “worth nothing” after my supposed despoliation but is actually worth having? I can only think of one, immediate thing; my Faith that what I believe is right. I will defend THAT unto Death, I know I will, there is simply no question in it. And Part of what I believe is X the Wheel, it CHANGES, folks, by all the demons of Ammit’s abode, it changes! These last two decades have been nothing BUT change, fucking PROFOUND change, in my life. The two decades before that was living out the ultimate uselessness of what I HAD learned until then, and my first two decades were spent either having all my perceptions fucked with and fucked up or doing it myself. While my body was growing. While I was forming my intellect. While I “should have been” “printed” with the templates for an enlightened man, instead I got turned loose with an unreadable handbook in an unknown language. It was a massive clusterfuck, I was pissed as hell, and I demanded that either management apologize personally to me or I get a FULL refund. Neither happened. I was told to get my ass on down the road and out of the way, I was blocking traffic. I didn’t want to live out my life in TOTAL ignorance, so I compromised with myself, “I’ll get out of the way FOR NOW, but I’ll come back, and I’ll want answers, and they had BETTER be here.” That’s me, in that red dress on that mountain, defending what I have left. 63 years has taken most of it from me; the youth, the energy, the drive, all of MY “5 sons” who were killed because an unjust (or uncaring) cosmos didn’t think I was worth what I did. I vowed the cosmos was wrong, because I still had and have one thing, my WILL. I can conquer stars. You know, there is SO much more you learn about yourself as you age. You learn how powerful you are, in this case. And why, for the most part, you were ALL wrong ALL those years about what Power really is, about how you use it and how you don’t, and HOW TO STEP BACK. That last one is hard, hard, HARD to learn, but when it saves your life a couple of times, you learn. My problem was NEVER “bein’ a coward an’ steppin’ down,” my problem was “bein’ a fool an’ steppin’ up.” Idiot characterizations, I know. But true. You see, I can look back now and say, “This is MINE. I am the Lord and Lady of that which I survey. This is my kingdom, small though it may be, and I defend it unto and beyond death.” I AM that 7 of Wands, just as I am also the 8 of Cups always looking for the 9. The difference between the 8 of Cups and the Seven of Wands is what gave birth to the Mark card of today, and today, I welcome Life and I embrace Opportunity.  

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! dear friends, to my Scales of Ma’at daily draw for 11-Nov-2015: as my Heart card, I have the Queen of Swords, and the Feather of Truth today is the 3 of Wands. (Today’s deck is *The Archeon Tarot* by Timothy Lantz. Excellent “psychic” deck! RWS schema. Recommended for working on your Intuition with the cards and exercising your psychic reach.) As I was mixing the cards, I the Magician fell out and without thinking I slipped him back into the deck. THEN I thought, “Oh shit, maybe he was my Heart card today?” On verra (we’ll see) . . . So, let’s take a look at this rhythmic, beating organ’s appearance on the Scales today. She’s wearing widow’s weeds today as the Queen of Swords! Ha! Did you know that the Queen of Swords is considered the primary signifier of widowhood by a lot of readers? I have to laugh – I’m going in to the hospital Monday morning for a major operation and you’re giving me the widowhood card? LOL, fucker. I am going to take that card, and I am just going to step up and assume it, take responsibility; I happen to think it can very possibly represent “our” (Anima & Mark) widowhood as I accept the new, clearer vision I’m being offered through the 8 of Cups yesterday; I accept that my life and its’ circumstances has changed; I acknowledge that my emotional waves of the moment are not only signs of the cosmic push right now on our consciousness but the result of an interior healing with my Anima; and most of all, I reaffirm my commitment to the ideal that I alone am responsible for my Life, that my Will is my own. I’m not a Thelemite, but I think I might live in the suburbs; I am very wedded to my Kemetics. Also, while I give full respect and acknowledgment to the “Nightside” of the Tree of Life, and the Goetic and Qliphothic traditions, and use many of their techniques as highly potent “spices” in my psychic kitchen, I don’t “live” there, as much as it calls out to that “Bohemian Gothic” side of my nature. As for even darker traditions, I don’t have the time to waste on those delusions, I’m a busy man. Also, I’m already a widower, haven’t you heard, Unconscious? I’ve lost a LOT recently, in fact through most of 2015, it has been a year of “loss,” through BOTH Death and Process, and “stripping down” to the core me and turning the log over so the sunlight can “clean” the Earth. (My mother died on my 63rd birthday this year; it was dizzyingly bizarre.) As I told a “Queen of Swords” friend the other day, I am in the midst of transformation into Mark 2.0, and “it ain’t pretty!” As the motto of a certain Tarot group to which I contribute states, “Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the façade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.” (Adyashanti) Very quickly, the Queen’s bare bones are: “Queen of the Thrones of Air,” she is in Binah on the Tree of Life. In astrology she strides between 21° Virgo to 20° Libra. She is, of course, Water in the Air of Yetzirah. Her Drive is independence of mind and soul, and her Light is wisdom and perception. Under her influence, I can literally FEEL my emotions “drying out & sobering up” a bit from their recent gang rave. This is NOT a bad thing. Today she faces her Feather of Truth as the 3 of Wands. I love the illustration on the card, a Pegasus, a beautiful winged animal, and indeed today I NEED a winged steed because I need to escort the Queen (Air) to negotiations with The House of Wands; Fire needs Air. (Sometimes it gets confusing, holding a “United Nations” in my head, but that’s my job, so “Suck it up, pal, and get it on down the road.”) To be “here’s-your-refund”-honest with you, I can’t remember the last time I have spent giving ANY time to thinking about the 3 of Wands. I shan’t deprive myself of supper as a punishment, because here is my comeuppance – he’s in as the Pillar (!) today, and I have ignored him at all the balls and parties, so he has no reason to be well-disposed (It’s okay, I’m really not THAT far gone, it’s just a bit of card anthropomorphization. Don’t roll your eyes at ME, young lady!) His bones tell of his “more-or-less” noble character, however; aka Virtue, he lives in Binah on the Tree of Life, arriving of course by way of Fire. In astrology he is the Sun in the 2nd decan of Aries, which MAY be more pertinent here, as my birth sign is “in” the 1st decan of Aries. 27 March. Bedazzled by Greek myth as a child, I can still remember thinking that Pegasus and I would have been good friends, but it was important to remember Respect in that particular friendship; “Kids say the darnedest things, don’t they, Art?” (If you know to what that citation refers, then you are even older than me and should already know your way through these waters. Either help or get off, you old bladder! LOL.) “The Threes are connected to Binah - Understanding. The untouched energies of the Two's have met the 3, the number of synthesis and harmony. They're no longer solitudes; they face up their meanings and surroundings. The Three of Wands is called 'Virtue' - the powerful fire understands its responsibility.” (-Raven. I just love that bird’s stuff!) His Drive is creativity and his Light is accomplishment and nobility. Watch out for hubris, though, Pegs, I’m prone to it and so are you. As a Feather of Truth, he’s fairly vague, but I get the idea – I NEED to work on my understanding today, above all when dealing with that “Queen of Swords mirror-echo” that not only resides in me, but which I invoke when I want that “utterly cold bitch” side of me to take on a situation. That isn’t good for this Mark, honestly. I get WAY into it and I have to consciously claw my way back out to the surface & light & air. This reading today is all about me getting my shit together, not only as I “let go” but as I “open my eyes to the true Dawn.” I’m starting to see this operation next week not only as a medical procedure to correct an untenable situation but as an opportunity to psychically “load that mule down” with a LOT of the shit I need to get out of the house & into a trash can. Let the surgeons put out the trash; I’m busy on the foundations to support the superstructure. So, we started with an act of faith and we end with one, as well: I live out my beliefs in ALL my acts.   

Monday, November 9, 2015

Good morning and Welcome, dear friends, to my Scales of Ma’at for 10-Nov-2015: the 8 of Cups as my Heart card and as the Feather of Truth today I have the 10 of Swords. (Today’s deck is *The Byzantine Tarot* by John Matthews and Cilla Conway. Thematic, RSW schema. Lovely to read, especially if you enjoy Byzantine style art, which I do. I like it.) I had an interesting interaction with a friend, Terry, the other day; she had drawn a 3-card “Spread of Doom & Death”-type daily reading. Luckily, her question had been phrased in such a way that her choice of “need” versus “want” in the question turned out to be subtly, but Very important. I never freak on XIII, or XV, when I draw them . . . XVI can shake me a bit, depending on the *whole*, and this card, the 10 of Swords, is only now becoming more clear to me as I am obliged to face it by recent synchronicity. But that’s the Feather today, and it is better to start with my Heart card, today the 8 of Cups. First, let’s take a look at her bare bones: aka “Indolence,” she is in Hod on the Tree of Life, arriving by Water. In astrology she is Saturn in the 1st decan of Pisces. “The Eight of Cups has driven the debauch of the Seven to absolute excess, the delusions have lost all attraction and all that's left is frustration. The sequence of the numbers has reached Hod, calling for structure and logic, but the emotional waters of Briah cannot be happy with this call and remain in dumb resignation. Nevertheless, happy or not, the call must be heard to leave the bogs of numbness, and the Eight of Cups tells us to abandon the past, leave the current situation, make up our minds most honestly and open our eyes to upcoming changes.” (Raven) I like that take, and it jigsaws in nicely with my current situation (medical) as well as a “Take Notice” on the many societal maladies & hopes upon which I have been meditating for a while now. If you read me regularly at all, you know I believe we are living at “the end of Empire.” The world needs emergency surgery but all the surgeons refuse to give up their cocktail hours to fix it. I soar from *despair* to Hope when I contemplate the up & coming young, and I plummet down again when I focus on the world’s grave illness. I refuse to shut it out & live selfishly only for my own enlightenment & escape, so I “choose” to suffer, I suppose. Mr. Matthews reads this card as “progress through uncertainty.” I think it may be just a bit broader than that in application to me today – face facts, Mark, you’re life has changed, you are less financially free now (inflation & retirement) and you are going in for major surgery in one week, which can always raise issues of uncertainty. I am being called upon more & more & more to throw myself upon the mercies of the Cosmos and to trust in the Lord of Light & Darkness and all his many faces; can I make that Leap of Faith? I hope so, I believe so, yes. I know I don’t want to nor am I ready, just yet, to check out and continue the Journey in a different vehicle. I’d like to “keep this car another year or two, at least for now.” We’ll see if YHVH is cooperative when we get to the dealer’s lot! I need to jump to the Feather of Truth now, to add the depth missing from the “notice on the billboard.” The 10 of Swords – Ruin – is certainly not the jolliest card to show up on my doorstep right now, as I prepare to enter the hospital for surgery. But I am beginning to understand, “down in my gut,” how I can extend my Trust & Faith in the Journey, on the Path, from my already-established-peace-with-stepping-through-the-doorway, from XIII, to XVI AND the 10 of Swords. Quickly, his bones: he is in Malkuth on the Tree of Life, by way of Air. In astrology he is the Sun in the 3rd decan of Gemini. “With the Ten of Swords, the development of human intellect has consequently reached its last step - from the birth of intellect within the Ace to complete ruin within the grounds of the Ten. The card teaches the lesson that endless fighting ends with destruction, endless analysis with the complete loss of hope and belief. It forces the lesson of the Nine of Swords to its inevitable conclusion. But with the Sun above it, it does not lack every hope. It will silently return to its origin again, to the first spark of mind in the Ace, to start all over again. The big hope in here is that the lessons from the journey absolved won't get forgotten. By the way, every Ten in the Minor Arcana stands for the end of a process, for the need to restart or at least variate, only the Ten of Swords have an amazingly crude way to put it into words - that's just the way they are.” (Raven) That’s my good friend Raven (he doesn’t know we are friends, but that is of small import; I am always grateful for his/her take!)  With his Drive being transformation in his Light of rebirth, the end of a cycle and wisdom through pain and loss, I already know this gentleman quite well – age does that, you know, you find you’ve already met a LOT of the party-goers. I know it is certainly *ruin* for me entire left leg, whose interior is going to be largely replaced by plastic next week. (I was surprised to learn that while the surgeons can whip out a hip replacement without breaking a sweat, what they need to do to my *leg*, not my hip, is causing extra care to be taken that I don’t decide to do my final reading right there in the operating room – ha! if only. (Not that I want to die right now, far from it; but it would be a way to go, n’est-ce pas ? And for effect, a few spectators, as you turn over XIII and immediately drop dead right in front of the cards. That would make me howl with laughter, so to speak!) I’m not feeling nearly as freaked about the 10 as I would have a year ago – my experiences have changed the future, again. (Hint, hint!) That depended on MY taking the effort to understand those changes and to implement them. So, you know what? Bring it on, 10, I’m ready to give you this battle, but be advised; I WILL win the war. “In this moment, here and now, I create my future.”   

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card daily reading, the Scales of Ma’at, for 09-Nov-2015: as my Heart card, I have a rarity today, a double, III the Empress & XVI The Tower (I will explain) and as the Feather of Truth I drew XVII the Star. (Today’s deck is *The Wild Unknown Tarot*, my very favorite off-the-wall deck; no traditional Tarot images here! Yet it speaks, and it speaks loud & clear and volumes of it! There isn’t really a way to describe this Tarot; Google it, do a little research, and if ANYTHING in you moves a bit to its’ images, BUY it. It’s really good.) Right off the Top - three Major Arcana, bing-badda-bing! And the reason for that double Heart card is that 1st I dealt XVI, the Tower, and as I am due for surgery in a week, I asked for “Please!! Confirmation!” and drew III the Empress. In this deck, both are “tree” images. The theme of the Tree is confirmed, but hardly the Nature of it! I’m going to have to sit on this a bit and see if it hatches; I don’t particularly relish the thought, but I WOULD like to have a better grip on what I’m being told. This reading “could” be a recap of the theme that dominated my weekend, “the fall of the American Empire, the Interregnum of Chaos and the eventual new society which [hopefully!] shall replace it.” My weekend was dominated by the in-their-20s generation, thus the subject. I become more & more amazed as the extant, breadth & scope of their vision, fractured though it be right now, is shaping up. They KNOW that they won’t see the payoff, but hope their children & grandchildren do. This old heart cries by being so touched by their sincerity and hope. Good gods almighty I wish them luck! I find myself in love with an entire generation of “kids,” and my heart breaks at the beauty of each of them, of the soaring spirituality and beauty of their souls. This is probably the last Great Love of my life, and appropriately enough, it isn’t one person, it’s all of us as embodied in the young, in their dream. I find myself in Love, for the 1st time in my ragged old life, with Humanity. I hope I die still loving. However, back to the cards; I’ve been waxing high a lot lately about the feminine, my Anima, etc. Here she is as my answer to the confirmation, and as I write this, there is a girl singing in the background of my house who says, “It’s gonna be alright – no one can give it away, it’s gonna be alright.” Please be right. We know the Mother as our Hope, and here she is, doubled up, as both Empress and Star, and I’m gonna put my eggs in her basket and I’m gonna pray like hell that heaven will happen. I don’t have anything else to say today, I’m overwhelmed by our world, my sentiments, and my love for YOU.  I see bridges burning and I know that the only way home is onward.