Good morning and Welcome! to the MashUp for 11 April 2015: the 7 of Water (Cups), the Daughter of Water and lensing in from the hunt and still alive, thank the Great Spirit, is IV Grandfather (the Emperor.) (Today’s deck is the *Vision Quest Tarot* by Gayan Sylvie Winter & Jo Dosé. There is a plethora of “native,” “indigenous peoples” decks out there, mainly done by people with all the cultural attachment to their decks as thin and wispy as their scruples. I like this deck. I am an Osage Indian. This deck isn’t a blasphemy of native cultural values. One can’t really avoid all the romanticism that non-Indian peoples heap on the Hollywood image of the “noble red man.” Crock of shit, mainly, and just in case you didn’t know, American Indians are so virulently racist, against other tribes and some against whites, that they make the KKK look tame. On top of that, the mix of Romance and Death is far too fucking familiar to us. Okay, enough politspeech! I give this one a grudging stamp of approval, speaking as a “Native American.” As a card reader, it is really simply RWS wearing a different sleeve. Acceptable, but not extraordinary.) This morning I arrive with 7 cups tucked around my person. I have neglected myself and my resources. This is going on because there is some sort of energy vampirism happening in my current situation. Something or someone is gobbling up my energy, thus affecting my Will, manifesting mainly in the “oh fuck it, I’m too damn tired to deal with it.” variety. I know what I need to do, I’ve done it before, and that is to pitilessly regard myself and figure out what is effective treatment. That is not to say “nombrilism” or “self-absorption” is the rule of the day, far from it. The card tells me that EVEN THOUGH I can’t pin down my current state of vague waves of apprehension and discomfort, or Self-deception, I can find a solution by taking responsibility. I generally do that anyway – hell, who would I shuffle the responsibility off onto anyway? My wife? HA! Jeanne is following her own Path and it doesn’t include being my whipping boy, nor would I want her to do that. I love my wife, why would I consciously burden her? I’m sure that I am enough as it is! HA! I’d like to think otherwise, but I imagine others see me as a high maintenance kind of guy. I’m like a Lamborghini – oh yes, gorgeous and fast and hyper everything, but wow! The upkeep is astronomically high and the amount of time in the shop is overwhelming. I am a pissily delicate, elegant woodsman, oh indeed I am, but can you afford me? (I’m NOT talking money!) Now, couple THIS with all of that languorous, exotic, electric and overwhelming YEARNING for Romance, for Love, for complete immersion in the pool of limitless emotions. I SUPPOSE somewhere deeply hidden behind miles of cobweb in the attic of my memory palace the vaguest ghost of such a yearning could remain, but it has been over 30 years since I blew on THOSE cinders and kindled a blaze! Fencing all of this in is IV Grandfather. I have a thing about fathers & fatherhood – I hold out impossibly high standards for people to measure up to and perhaps run the gamut of my scorn. My dad is still alive (!) and we get along fine, there is genuine tenderness, love, affection and caring in us and our relationship, but it took almost one half of an entire century to get there. My parents were VERY young when I was born (1952) and in effect we three grew up together – with all of the errors, mistakes and misjudgments along the way as teenagers grew up with a child attached. (They were SO much better prepared for my brother and sister, thank Isis!) But the point of all this is that as a man sometimes I miss the company of a REAL man, an older man, even older than me, to talk with and sometimes just listen. It’s a male thing, this need to be “in the life of” another male, and having absolutely no sexual connotations at all. We still have, somewhere deep down, the need for our fellow mammoth hunters’ approval, that sign that we are a good player, whether with the team or as an outrider. I’m depending on Grandfather to give me that sign today, and if I happen to be Grandfather myself, so much the better. I trust and depend on my own Power.