Saturday, October 17, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my Scales of Ma’at daily 2-card reading for 18-Oct-2015: the Knight of Swords is my Heart card and as the Feather of Truth I have drawn X The Wheel of Fortune reversed. (Today’s deck is *The Vampire Tarot* by Nathalie Hertz. The style is a kind of Conan/Animé/Frazetta look to the artwork, RWS system. Fine deck, nothing exceptional. If you are a heavily tattooed reader with a penchant for gay Goth excess, this is the deck for you. Adam Lambert, are you listening?)  And, in a different way, that is the question I need to ask myself today, Am I listening?? I thought I was, but here they are again, dogging my footsteps and making me doubt myself by telling me that I have yet to do/accept the necessary when I KNOW I just walked through this with the deconstruction of the golems. A frightening thought – that had everything to do with liberating Water/Cups in myself; are the cards telling me I need to do the same with ALL 4 suits?? Oh shit, I hope not. My most problematic suit is and has always been Cups –lack of love and acceptance shaped my entire life from birth, the love & acceptance that come from acknowledgment of your personhood, your right to Being. Abuse, physical/sexual/mental, can turn you inward, as well, and forced me to take the accelerated course in Growing Up, Getting Over It, and NOT Caring about my emotional needs or those or others. All of that made me unto as granite, but I’m supposed to be flexible as a human being, I know that. Granite isn’t flexible, so with “Living-as-erosion”, it finally succumbs to the years and the tears and the fears, and I wearily get to my feet and kick that pitiful old dragon’s carcass into the river to be washed out to the Ocean. I’m so fucking tired of seeing the Knight of Swords. And if I’m not accused of being the Knight, then I’m being niggled at because as King I haven’t yet cleaned the Augean Stables. I’m fucking sick of it. That means I’m fucking sick of me, & that can’t be right; 1st, the Knight ISN’T me, I don’t have illusions about being that energetic youth, in ANY way, shape or form. To repeat, VERY quickly, what I’ve seen seven quadrillion times now in the past year or so. . (deep breath . . .plunge!) Prince of the Chariot of the winds, Tiphareth in the Tree of Life, Astrology: astride Capricorn and Aquarius. His Element and world are the Air in the Airs of Yetzirah. He is “the pure manifestation of mind and intellect, full of plans and ideas which on the worst side may disturb and confuse each other, on the best create an inexhaustible spring of creative thoughts.” (Raven) His Drive is idealism and intellectual agility and his Light is creativity, rich ideas, intelligence and the mastery of words. His Shadow is what you REALLY need to watch; he can be harsh, malicious, unreliable, cheating and crude. (Raven & Mark mash-up.) If it wasn’t counterproductive and a grotesque mirroring, I’d take him over my knee and give him a good spanking, “Get over yourself!” As for the Feather today, well, come on, you bitch, go ahead and TRY to fuck me running, because I defy you. You DARE to give me X The Wheel of Fortune reversed?? You bitch, I KNOW that card by heart, it is scratched in a death agony on my Akashic record! Times are tough and my radically shrinking retirement check isn’t helping. (I depend on money from the U.S. government where tribal incomes are gathered and redistributed, and with our tribal wealth based on petrol [discovered just before 1900 C.E.], whose bottom has just fallen out on the “Market,” we are fucked. Tribe = Osage.) Unfortunately, petrol has not YET become so rare that its uses as a plastics base and other functions BESIDES powering our societal greed are top priority. Not yet, but that WILL happen. (I’d say “I’ve seen it in the cards,” but then I would have to explode with self-mocking laughter. It sounds too much like masturbation.)  Okay, SIGH; let’s look at her bones, her skeleton, so to speak, yet ONCE AGAIN (sighing): The Wheel of Fortune, on the Path of Caph, 21 in the Tree of Life. Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto - the masters of Karma are playing together in the sandbox here, and as we all already know, those planets are ALL about Us & the Tree, or the “deep, space-y” parts of our being and relationship with the Ain Soph. Its planet is Jupiter, and is on the axis Chesed – Netzach. Its Element is Fire, and Number is 10 (= 1). Its Drive is eternal motion, change and acceptance of fate (I’m being a *shit* right here on this point today), and Its Light is unexpected changings & fortune, and the realization of luck. More to the point, today, for me, it reads reversed, thus I need to beware its Shadow, which is fatalism. I can feel Mother Hateful hovering right around the corner: Mother Hateful is the secret, hidden, gay-bitchy, nastiest-snatch-in-the-room  queer-with-an-agenda-me that I developed as a youth and who I keep deep, deep in the closet, chained to a bubbling kettle next to her spice rack of unreasoning hates. I detest her, but she does break free from time to time, although less, now, because HER death is implicit in the golems’ destruction. Nevertheless, “Watch your sparkles, Sweetcheeks; they could set something on fire.”  Well, I need to get my head back on straight and stick it right up Creative Visualization’s birthing channel, and deposit this affirmation, so that I can at least START the upward swing! “Great wealth, good health and happy fortune now flow into my life.” (Thoth system)   


  1. as above, so below: moon goes into capricorn, putting a restrain on feelings/idealism. mercury is still bringing up the past that has recently been re-evaluated;is in good aspect to neptune...CAN NOT rely on intuition today:still lost in dream world. allow past to be a stepping stone to your forward motion into the use enlightened perceptions of "shadowy shit"to OVERCOME....YOU are the king;;;own yourrrr own power(dont give it up/away). you are the aauthor of your own authority......aa turn for the worst is an opportunity to see sommething in a different lightt. let the LIGHT show the way forward warrior that you are!!!!