Thursday, December 31, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my daily 2-card The Justice of Ma’at reading, One card represents my Heart, as it is today ; the other card represents the Feather of Truth, that against which my Heart shall be weighed and if found wanting, my Heart and I shall be thrown to the monster Ammit, to be devoured and never see the Afterlife. Cool, eh? Luckily, Tarot reading doesn’t carry quite the same imperatives, although we have all met a client or three we would LIKE to throw to Ammit. Ah well. Today I’ve pulled the 4 of Swords as my heart card and III the Empress as the Feather of Truth. (The deck is *Tarocchi delle 78 Porte* by Antonella Platano & Pietro Alligo. RSW classic system, theme revolving around Doors, opening & closing them, etc. Doors are liminal places as we all know anyway. Acceptable but not special.) My Heart is resting today, and boy, do I feel that in more ways than one. This is really a card about inner meditation and concentration, which can seem like indifference but is in actually a far cry from it. It is absorbing past developments & hurts and doing so in an analytical manner. The man is blind because he is not focused outside of himself, but rather into himself. I feel a lot like this at the moment – 2015 was so chockful of developments on all 3 levels: physical; mental; spiritual. I need time to “synthesize,” to “grok” how the whole marionette shaped up and did it work, no crossed or fouled strings. Which is all fine and good, I’m the 1st one to give myself time off to “process;” sometimes that means I am actually processing, but at others it means I am procrastinating, something I try not to do much anymore (such a waste of time.) As 2016 starts, it would serve me well to use this “restful respite” to encapsulate 2015 and put it with the other years & centuries I keep locked in my Vault of Time. (I’m far, far older than you think.) (Do you listen to music when you do write-ups? Right now I’m listening to a beautiful recording of Chopin nocturnes played by Arthur Rubinstein. Heavenly. Mme. Miller is more prone to big dramatic music; Beethoven symphonies, Mozart operas, and oddly enough, Georg Philipp Telemann.) At any rate, I get this 4 today, walking “blindly” down the street, his mind occupied with other things, far more important things. His basic constitution is Truce. He sits in Chesed in the Tree of Life, by way of Air. In astrology he is Jupiter in the 3rd decan of Libra. An airy Libran, oh boy, I have difficulty with that. “The mind has solved a problem, found a solution, completed a process, or has come to a good, satisfying compromise. Jupiter keeps the scales of Libra in harmonious balance, and the truce can be enjoyed full-hearted. Though, for the Air stability means stagnation, therefore the restful truce should be used for reflection and reconsideration, the idea that has become full circle in the calm realms of Chesed needs to proceed to further levels.” (Raven) That’s Raven, of course, making things a bit clearer for me. “Accept the compromise, rest, Mark, all of the storms will eventually circle around again and you must be rested and ready for them.” This is all supportable because today, AGAIN, the Feather of Truth is embodied in III the Empress! She has been around a lot lately, and in many of her avatars. I feel as if I’m beginning to become friends with her, and She is certainly going out of her way to be attentive and gentle to me. Here, today, the Gates of the Gardens of Emotion and Beauty are again open to me; she hasn’t been stinting since our reconciliation. Sometimes she threatens to swamp the boat; there is so much she wants to convey all at once! I can’t be having my Solar Bark swamped, now, can I? But she has come to understand that and delivers now at my capacity to handle (most of the time.) As always, she is on the Path of Daleth, 14, in the Tree of Life. She is Venus in Taurus, standing for fertility and growth, and Earth rules Taurus. She is actually on the axis between Chokmah and Binah, she IS of Earth. She is 3, the synthesis of Harmony after the opposition of the 2. “The Empress is the friendlier, more approachable aspect of the female archetype. She stands for maternity, love and mercy; at the same time she's a symbol for sexuality and emotion. She is pure feeling, absolutely unintellectual, but basically life. The Empress is the Great Mother, representing the beginning of all life. She is the power of nature, causing change, renewal, major plans.” (Raven)  There you have it, short and sweet. The Lady who has been paying me a lot of attention lately, since last March 2015 in fact, and who culminated “our” festivities just before & during the Winter Solstice with an emotional, planet-busting storm of the 1st magnitude and all of my emotional defenses fell, like the walls of Jericho. I think, however, she is saying wonderful things, here,” When you return from your walk, old man, come and see me. I have more things to share with you.” Nothing buoys me up as much lately as good news from the Goddess. Isis is very, very good to me, and I in return give her attention when she speaks. She is something I realized after 60+ I had never really had; maternal love, trust, fulfillness, the joy of great abundance. And I don’t feel like the greedy child asking for more sweets, either; I feel chosen by the Goddess to receive, if you will, “intense remedial courses” on how to be a fully functioning human being with all processes in perfect running order. Or at least so I hope, with the blessings of the Cosmos. May the Cosmos Bless you, too!   

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card daily Balance of Ma’at reading Today we have the 6 of Swords as the Heart card and the Feather of Truth is represented by II the High Priestess. (Today’s deck is *Tarot of the Animal Lords* by Angelo Giannini. Normally it is the style of deck I stay light-years from because of the cutesy-wootsie theme, but actually, it isn’t bad. It handles like a dream, shuffling, mixing, fanning, etc. and if one doesn’t mind a bit of anthropomorphization in their decks, it’s OK. I won’t throw it out or give it to street-corner urchins.) But for my purposes, we are all going to ignore all but the meaning of the cards, and the illustrations can go live in Animal Land. My Heart today is the 6 of Swords, and yeah, I am feeling kind of 6-ish today. Not really committed to the growth sequence today, but a 6 nevertheless; not the “travel & enrichment” side, but the down-in-the-dumps depression and constraint that usually occupy this card when reversed. Let’s look at his skeleton for explications: well, his other name is Science. He is in Tiphareth (Beauty) on the Tree of Live grace of the Element Air. In astrology his is Mercury in the 2nd decan of Aquarius.  Raven has this to say, “In the beautiful harmony of Tiphareth, the Six of Swords have overcome the crisis of the Five, the emotional wounds are healed and the element concentrates on its origin potentials, its very own powers and qualities.” Well, perhaps, but today I’m not feeling so resolved and therefore curious. The Shadow side of this card is too much application of rationalism, distrust & misanthropy, which again are REVERSED qualities, but I’m not reversed. But maybe I should be, or else the card is saying that that is REALLY the field today where I have to do some work, and there is a goal. My Feather of Truth today is II the High Priestess. IT’s almost too ludicrous, isn’t it, the answer? “You wonder why you are feeling like this. Enter, enter beyond my veils, and search for your answers,” she calmly says to me with the ghost of a smile hovering around her mouth (or tusks, in this instance.) So, to find out why I am still so uncomfortable “outside,” I have to go “inside.” Makes perfect sense to me, said the Walrus to the Oyster. Somniferes really don’t let you rest; they let you sleep, but isn’t “recuperative” sleep, it’s just a state of corporeal unconscious where no interior healing can take place; that’s how I feel today. So I’m going to cut this short and spare everyone my endless blahblah today. I need to rethink my day, I think. May the Cosmos bless you!


Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my daily 2-card The Scales of Ma’at reading. I’m starting to feel Balance return after the emotional roller coaster ride of the last few weeks to a month. The Waters are calming and Fire has come back out of its cave to burn in the open Air once again. The Earth is a little churned up, but that’s good, that’s planting ground for the crop I’m trying to grow now. Today I’ve drawn the 4 of Pentacles as my Heart card and representing the Feather of Truth is the Ace of Cups. (Today’s deck is *Tarocchi di Vetro” by Elizabetta Trevisan. An Italian deck taken on reinterpretations of stained glass. I have another, different stained glass deck I prefer more, but this deck DOES have something, I’m not sure what. Highly traditional. I must reserve, for the moment.)The 4 of Pentacles is awful stable, and I’m not sure that is an accurate representation of my Heart today. It isn’t really calm & foursquare, but that is what it wants to be. The 4 is also named Power, sits in Chesed in the Tree of Life and comes through the Earth element. In astrology he is the Sun in the 3rd decan of Capricorn. What does that mean? That means he is not prone to risks, which at this point I understand, I NEED calm time to fully process and absorb my latest landscape-sculpting storm. It’s really kind of a dull time, actually, which falls just as well now, between the Pillars of Herakles, the 25th and New Year’s eve/day. I leave it to you to figure out which one is Scylla and which Charybdis. “The 4 of Pentacles has reached the realm of Chesed, the fields of condensation, growth and stability, standing in the structural discipline of the Four. The work of the Three has paid off; the fruits are rich and manifold. Therefore, the 4 of Pentacles represent success, establishment, proficiency, comfort and security not only in material values, but in familiar relations and profession. Thus, the power it supplies is grown from peace and security, the well-deserved reward for good work and concentrated effort. It has nothing to do with any ruling force, and it won't ask for it.” (Raven) That’s Raven, my oft-consulted oracle for when I want a bare-boned strip down on a card. He’s short on words and long on wisdom, like most ravens. So today my Heart is concerned, is “weighted by” the care to be given to moderating attachment and not leaving a toehold for fear of loss and avarice to sneak their way in. I shall need to keep the Heart’s Drive in stability, security, and gain while I shine the Light of assured material gain, rank, success, wealth, productivity. I would apply ALL of those “money” adjectives to my work on myself, not as cash incentives! Ha! Lifting my gaze from my Heart to the Feather of Truth is also quite a jump in levels of power, energy and movement. Today the Feather of Truth is the Ace of Cups, the Root of the Powers of Water, and Kether in the Tree of Life (through the spring of soul). In astrology it is ALL signs of water. The Ace of Cups shows the way deep into our soul, to detect beauty and trust. It stands for the sources of love, for growing feelings, the desire for a relationship or the readiness to have a friend.” Referring to the Kabballah, the Ace of Cups is attached to Briah - the world of pure feeling and sensitive intention. It is the female counterpart of the Ace of Wands, representing the female element water as a sign for devotion and care. The card also tells that the beauty and the ugly are two poles belonging together. Without shadow, there's no light - and mud is needed to make liliths [lilies?] blossom.” (Raven) Clever of Raven to leave the Lilith to titillate. I am hoping, SINCERELY hoping, that this is oracular metatalk for me pulling together various parts of myself with a new constitution, a new understanding and a new love, and NOT a new affair of the heart! Gods forbid! Between re-establishing my now-altered kingship and dealing with the depth of the Goddess as well as the God of Light & Darkness, I have quite enough really hot love affairs going on right now, I’m not suffering any dearth. However, being me, I NEED to fight a bit against that desire to melt in one another, sympathy, and devotion, the beginning of a friendship or passion. That isn’t how I want to fritter away this particular stream of energy, (“I have other plans, Mr. Bond . . . don’t we, pussy?” addressing the obese white-haired Persian cat on my knees.) I shall be happy to settle for the Light to be found here in this card to serve as my Feather of Truth today: emotional capacity, fertility, productiveness. 


Monday, December 28, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card daily The Balance of Ma’at reading, where the 1st card represents the state of my Heart, and it is “mythologically” being weighed against the Feather of Truth of the goddess Ma’at, Justice & Right-Living. Now, don’t believe that I flagellate the 1st with the 2nd, far from it. I hope to use the Feather each and every day as that day’s core-point to remember and implement, while processing my Heart. Simple enough, eh? HA. Like all human endeavor, easy to state yet problematic to initiate at times. Today I am confronted with a very large Heart indeed, XXI the World, and as the Feather of Truth today I need to seek the precept in what is admittedly a perplexing draw, the 6 of Cups. (Today’s deck is *Tarocchi della Spirale Mistica* by Giuseppe Palumbo & Giovanni Pelosini. While it lays vague claim to being “tuned in” to other disciplines [Alchemy? Kabbalah? Maybe . . .] it is firmly traditional. It is a “pleasant” deck.) I can nail the Heart card easily enough, because that is EXACTLY where my heart has been this last week; use every clich√© you want, that was me; heart-on-my-sleeve, rampant out-of-control empathy, weepy at the death of a match, it was ALL going on, and I nearly felt capsized and drowned in the Waters of the Mother. I HAD asked for it, it was just . . . well, just MORE than I had expected! After a couple of late-night “rough-it-up” sessions with testosterone-loaded films & discussions with some “potes,” (slangy, French “guy friends”,) I feel I’ve brought a little bit of Balance to my heart, precarious though it may be. As I’ve said before, I get it that being a hardass for all those years was in preparation for this, but to see your “hardass-ship” take off in such a different direction as to serve as your bouclier for Empathy, well, it takes me a few heartbeats to adjust. So, what IS my Heart today? XXI - The World. She is on the Path of Tau, 32 in the Tree of Life. Neptune is her cosmic omniscience and Pluto is her central power of creation; yet, she is represented by Saturn. On the Tree of life, she goes from Malkuth to Yesod. An Earth element, numerologically she is 21 as the symbol of the whole, 3 x 7, the cross sum is the 3. “The Universe/World as the end and completion of the Major Arcana is the symbol for the zenith of development - the achieved goal. The work is done or will soon be and we have found our place in life or will soon do so. Seeing the second decade of the Major Arcana as a way of self-realization, the Universe becomes the crown and the end. The Death was the rebirth, the Art the beginning of the alchemic work, the Devil the overcoming of restrictions, the Tower the breakdown of the jail. We followed the Star, explored the Moon, found the Sun and watched the Phoenix rise from the ashes. Finally, we touched the Universe/World.” (Raven, waxing poetic in a rare moment.) This doesn’t mean that I think my Heart’s work is done, but it has reached a grand plateau for the moment, one where I can see leagues & leagues further across the Sea than before, to misty island shores. For now, I am happy with that. Moving on, I’m looking at my Feather of Truth today, the 6 of Cups, and admit to, perhaps not obfuscation, but certainly a bit of mystification. The 6 is “Pleasure,” which is a weak word. He’s in Tiphareth in the Tree of Life, and is a Water card. In astrology he is the Sun in the 2nd decan of Scorpio. Meaning, more or less, that the lessons of 5 have been learned, and 6 has evolved as being open to all directions and thus resolution of imbalance. Other than the general blow-smoke-up-your-ass feel-good-ness of the card, though, their artistic portrayal here intrigues me. It is Gurdjieff, as a dervish, whirling in an “Ecstatic state” which for lack of a better phrase is EXACTLY that acceptance and transformation of the differences (certainly emotional and all that Cups signify) into a trance of Ecstatic experience. I find that beautiful, and believe I’ve found the Feather for the day – “Rise, Rise on the wings of Your Heart Phoenix and dance for Ecstasy.”  Or at least that is what I sincerely hope. “The Six of Cups will tell of deep emotions that have passed the depths of pain and fear and therefore will enjoy the pleasures of harmony and devotion more than ever before.” (Raven) That’s Raven again, chipping in with one of his non-sequiturs which are never not-on-point. I can actually feel this, this precept in today’s Feather, I have been so terribly close to it lately, but hadn’t found my “sea-legs” sufficiently to stand upright on the deck and face the Light, I was too busy trying not to drown – ha. And in the end, my 6 of Cups comes back to Inner Sourcing, feeding my own growth with the harvest of my seeding. I can deal with that, yes, I can, because it is SO in line with exactly where I want to go next. Good Journeying to you, too!  

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card daily draw, the Balance of Ma’at. The 1st card = my Heart & the 2nd = the Feather of Truth. I’ve drawn an interesting pair today, I the Magician as my Heart and the 10 of Swords as the Feather of Truth. BTW, that Heart is me making my way through the confusion and the upset and the drudgery and yes, sometimes the excitement and wonder and sheer magic of being me. On a daily basis. We know too well the drudgery of being ourselves; but think! Think back to that last magical smile or laugh or stare of awed wonder and one can remember the joys, too. I asked the cards specifically this morning for some Male energy to recharge my Man-Batteries, which were rather wet & sputter after several days in the Water worshipping at the feet of the Goddess. I had a WONDERFUL time, but seriously, that constant emotional earthquake effect becomes VERY unnerving after two or three days of it. I became moved opening a can of cat food! (Joke, but it really IS that all-powerful.) I badly needed a change of clothes & weather, and above all some Energy to balance that IMMENSE, OVERWHELMING experience of being open to the Goddess and letting her heal others in healing me; I have NEVER, ever, had a Holiday Season present like that, it was simply beyond magnificence; it was almost beyond my ability to Live it. Well, back to Me, men, male energy, and a sudden surge of need to reassert the other half of the equation. I the Magician says it pretty well, all things given. Who is he? Well, on Path of Beth 12 in the Tree of Life from Kether to Binah, he is Sun/Mercury in Aries. He is the Element of Air & the Number 1 as symbol for unity (male.) “The Magician represents consciousness, action and creation. He's the symbol for the idea of manifestation - the possibility of making an idea come true. He gives meaning and direction to life, and he reminds us that the emotional and creative powers of our souls must have a physical basis to be of real use. Powers unused are powers non-existent, we have to set them free in order to use them, and to gain and renew.” (Raven) It isn’t that I’m feeling full of myself, but I do feel I am doing such GOOD work lately, working Magic on myself and others; I am exercising my Will and I am directing What & Which I Will. I needed to rough up the edges a bit last night, however; 1st, I watched 2 *The Riddick Chronicles* films and a *Star Trek*, and believe me, if you aren’t surfing waves of testosterone after that dose, you don’t have testicles. But after you’re a Magician, then what? Then where do you go? Hang out and smoke cigarettes Nazi-style in the English countryside √† la Dennis Wheatley? No, you dive back in, and THERE you ask, “What next?” For me, the Truth of today came shining out of the darkness in the form of the 10 of Swords as the Feather of Truth. Oh stop it; it’s not a bad card. People throw up their hands and breathe, “Ohhh, Ruin!” Well . . . maybe. 1st let’s identify it, shall we? Sitting in Malkuth in the Tree of Life, and through Air. In Astrology, Sun in the 3rd decan of Gemini. And what does our friend Raven have to say about it? “With the Ten of Swords, the development of human intellect has consequently reached its last step - from the birth of intellect within the Ace to complete ruin within the grounds of the Ten. The card teaches the lesson that endless fighting ends with destruction, endless analysis with the complete loss of hope and belief. It forces the lesson of the Nine of Swords to its inevitable conclusion. But with the Sun above it, it does not lack every hope. It will silently return to its origin again, to the first spark of mind in the Ace, to start all over again. By the way, every Ten in the Minor Arcana stands for the end of a process, for the need to restart or at least variate, only the Ten of Swords have an amazingly crude way to put it into words - that's just the way they are.” (Raven) Ah, those Swords, that’s just the way they are. So what this is is now clear to me: I must take the Magician back inside, and look for Transformation, and a new Light: Rebirth, realization, the end of a cycle, wisdom through pain and loss. It has been a long, long 2015 full of pain and loss, from family death on down the ladder of catastrophes. That, REALLY, was why the Goddess payed me such an INTENSE visit – I SO need to grieve, I still do. But she’s there, now. She’s with me. So, I’m going to take her hand, and with my Heart firmly fixed on Transformation and the Blessings and Goodwill of the Lord of the Light and of the Darkness, I’m going back down, it seems. Time to find a newer, different Mark, a Mark 2.0, if you will.  


Saturday, December 26, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my morning The Balance of Ma’at daily reading, or at least as daily as I feel like it. I’m really not in the mood for this this morning, but I am in the space for it: it is important to distinguish the two; you can be “ugly” & “grumpy,” but you can still be in a heightened place to read the cards. Funny how that works; of course, it is reflected in the cards, but so are other things. Other sometime true things you don’t really want to look at, but your discomfort has brought them floating to the surface, like turds in a punch bowl. Today I am suffering from insomnia, that’s all, but it makes me grumpy; it isn’t as if I haven’t spent more than a few “nuits blanches,” but when you want to sleep because your body is uncomfortable, then the white turns a bit gritty & grimy. Well, on with it. Today my Hear card is the 5 of Wands, in a deck (*Shapeshifter Tarot* by Hunt, Conway & Knight; 81 card deck; a Pagan deck, thus Goddesses heads the suits, not Kings; Elements are assigned differently) which accompanies its “Struggle” card as a wolf & dove? In the cold wastes, a ¼ moon over head and trudging through the night. Yep, that’s me right now, and how my Heart feels. Not that I’ve abandoned my Greater Purpose, it’s just that my body is miserable tonight, and the card shows it. I can live with that; I don’t like it, but I can live with it. What is the 5 of Wands, call it Air or Fire, which SHOULD be significant to me other than my temporary physical concerns? “It is Geburah through Fire (or Air, in this deck :) Astrologically, it is Saturn in the 1st decan of Leo. And, like all Fives, the Five of Wands stands for Geburah - motion and changing and the powers of destruction - and 5 is the number that breaks the stability and structure of the Four.” (Raven) Okay, I get it; I set up temporary stability and structure in the clinic to recuperate, and no matter that there’s no place like home, I broke the one to move (back) to the other. Now I have to make HERE my “Four” again. I get it, I get it. It’s hard to concentrate on the good works one wants to accomplish in the Heart when the body is hurting; but my heart is still large enough to take my problems with a pound of salt and get on with it. There’s really nothing else to do, is there? And for all intents and purposes, my Heart is full of love tonight, not for just an understanding wife, but full of Love because earlier I was crying for all the Pain if feel around me, not in me, the pain of others, of the World, of men and women trapped in the Illusion and full of Despair.  Some random cruelty I witnessed on the news had sped to my Heart & found an opening. I cry easily now, after a lifetime of being a Hardass.  Pain springs upon me from others, and rather than rebuff I open and accept and try to heal. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that I was crazy, but I DO know better. This is where being a hardass led me; to having the strength to do this, a kind of automatic empathy that is SO fucking hard & devastating but SO healing and releasing of the Spirit. So, Mr. Soft Touch, where does this take you? Eh? Well, if I’m to believe the cards, my Feather of Truth today is III the Mother. Look at Her, Queen of the Cosmos and Lady of the Light; this isn’t Mother Nature that has been depicted here as much as the Queen, the Goddess, “She.” Venus in Taurus, she stands for fertility and growth with Earth ruling Taurus. She is the axis between Chokmah and Binah. “She is pure feeling, absolutely unintellectual, but basically life. The Empress is the Great Mother, representing the beginning of all life. She is the power of nature, causing change, renewal, major plans.” (Raven) I like that. I like that during this 5 of Wands struggle, I should look at the shining Truth of the day, the Goddess looking at me, in me, through me, and even while healing me using me. (Now you see? That makes me tear up, too!) I think one reason I become so emotional about the Goddess now is that I denied her for so long any role in my life, or at least one of which I cared to be cognizant. I have made some amazing “male” discoveries about myself lately, some of which I really dislike, and I am sure She has a hand in opening my eyes. (I’m working on erasing those old programs; they are deep-rooted and take more than one application of Light.) I have a little Tarot routine/ritual I do every morning before I read the cards; I think I need to make an addition of particular mention of thanks to the Goddess, I think she might like that. Well, enough waxing future-nostalgic, I’m feeling MUCH better just contemplating her incomparable beauty and Grace for being in my life. So, instead of using more of my words, I will give way to an ancient Hymn to Isis, reconstituted from Nag Hammadi fragments:

I am the Beginning and the End.
I am honored and scorned.
I am the prostitute and the saint.
I am married and a maiden.
I am the mother and the daughter.
I am the limbs of my mother.
I am barren
and my children are many.
I am she who married magnificently,
and I have no husband.
I am the one who brings children and I do
not bear children.
I am the consolation of labor pains.
I am the bride and the bridegroom,
and my husband brought me forth.
I am my father’s mother
and my husband’s sister,
and he is my child.
I am the incomprehensible silence
and the idea often brought to mind.
I am the voice sounding throughout the world
and the word appearing everywhere.
I am the sounding of my name,
For I am knowledge and ignorance.
I am shame and bravery.
I am without shame; I am full of shame.
I am power and I am trepidation.
I am conflict and peace.
Listen to me,
For I am the scandalous and magnificent one.


Good Morning and Welcome! to my 2-card Scales of Ma’at daily drawing for 26/Dec/2015: the 7 of Wands as my Heart and as the Feather of Truth the 4 of Swords. Well, hi, everyone! It’s been a while, but I’m home again and back in my “Santa Muerta” bureau with hundreds of Tarots and a most unholy mess! Also, I’m still weak & need a lot of rest every day, but I AM free! of that admittedly luxurious chateau-clinic where I was recuperating. I do feel moved, however, even excited, to re-begin the Scales of Ma’at daily readings, even when they aren’t ALWAYS “daily.” Ha! Today I’ve got a rather straightforward reading, the cards on being kind on my 1st day back in the saddle. My Heart is the 7 of Wands today, which is both appropriate and perhaps far-seeing. Progressing through physical recovery is now up to no one but me; since I am out of the clinic. The recovery isn’t finished, of course. But it is within the realm of MY doing it without team help; and so I must. I’m still weak & unsteady, but that will get better. And on the Spiritual side of this card, it speaks to my decision over the last few weeks to openly declare my allegiance to the Process & the Path and to devote myself OPENLY to that work now. No more “hidden little secrets,” not that it EVER WAS that! but you grok what I mean. It’s less traumatic than coming out of the gay closet, but just as life-changing. My Courage and Inner Strength have been tested by Fire and have come through unscathed, even if reeling a little, and I’m going forward. Tarotman returns to Gotham! As the Feather of Truth today, there is the blessedly restful 4 of Swords. Restful, yes, but not inactive. It’s time to let the body continue to recuperate while I take the mind in, in and down, down, looking for the wells of my soul, my creativity, my essence & my divinity. I need to dive deep, and it is a good time to do it – I’m recuperating at home, thus no constant interruptions from a well-meaning staff wanting blood samples, temperature readings, putting syringes in my admittedly lovely asscheeks, etc. I am entering a specially blessed time, the Change of a Year, The Change of My Vision and the Change of Importance & Urgency in carrying my work forward to get as far along the Path as is possible in what Time the Norns have given me. I’ve been going through a re-birth of my Kemetic “faith,” recently (I LOVE the “system,” I worship at NO religion.) There’s a point to it, I’m sure. Kemetics go back to my early childhood; the 1st books I EVER read from the public library were about Egypt and the gods and etc. I believed in THEM long before societal & family pressure co-opted me into “organized” religion (now THAT’S a joke! Organized! HA! About as organized as the vultures feasting on a dead Jew thrown into the desert!)  Kemetics, is, of course, not unique or alone in my mental cosmogony, but they are important because the embody Truths to me: Spirituality; Beauty; Truth; Character; Worth, and an approach to life that tells you, “you, whether you are great or small, whether you are Pharaoh or servant, can participate in the Goodness and the Beneficence of Ma’at, *Living in Right Balance*.” “We ALL voyage to Eternity when we live in Ma’at.” I can’t possibly tell you how all-encompassing and all-important this is to me; I believe in this as I believe in the necessity of air for my body. Rarely, I weep, secretly, at the lack of Ma’at in the world, because I’m a sentimental kind of guy, you know? But, I shake my head, I blow my nose, and I reaffirm to myself, “We build Ma’at one brick at a time. WE do. So, get out there and help make things right.” And I lever the old carcass up and rumble forward, antique juggernaut that I am, and I ask the cards how I can help. You know, EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I HAVE APPROACHED THE CARDS WITH SERIOUISNESS AND HONOR, THEY HAVE COME THROUGH FOR ME. Never, not once, have I ever had something so terribly off the mark it was baffling. IF I DO get a reading like that, my gaze swings INSTANTLY inward, because the fault is in my approach, or rarely, the question/Querent.  I don’t doubt the cards any longer; I haven’t for a very long time. (Marcus Katz told a story the other day about “Just Read The Cards,” and it was so right on and so evocative of exactly what the cards are and do and even why, and what WE are doing there interacting with them.) I’m het-up about and my butt’s on the burner about this; “We need to listen to what we are being told! Dammit! LISTEN!” Don’t you ever get that feeling that it’s just around the corner? Well, it is. I won’t belabor it any further; the Good Taste Police are looking at me as if I may need to be forcibly clothed in out-of-season wraparound white sleeves with a princess bodice. I was amusing myself the other day thinking about Great Bitches in History, and really, you start but you can’t stop. Every time one of these extraordinary women showed up, events turned ever so differently than they could have.  And I’m not talking about Great Women; Marie Curie was a Great Woman, but she is no Great Bitch. Livia, wife of Augustus, was a GB. On and on and on – and why? Because, in their own way, they restore just a bit of Ma’at to a world which is so heavily imbalanced, so “we see white, black doesn’t exist.” So, as something completely off-topic, let me ask you this; the next time you make an automatic judgment to indulge in Imbalance (thought, word, or deed) why are you doing so? Look at your motives. I’ll be looking very carefully at mine.