Good morning and Welcome! to the Scales of Ma’at for 08May2016: my Heart is in the 5 of Swords and the Feather of Truth has gone a-digging with the Knight of Disks. (Today’s deck is, of course, *Tarot of the Holy Light” by Christine Payne-Towler and Michael Dowers. If you don’t know that this particular deck is a treasure house of wonders and the rebirth, along with another, of alchemical Tarot in its most fruitful and truest form, then you simply haven’t been paying attention. Go to your room. Go on, go. Daddy will be up to talk to you later.) I see that the cards are being, as usual, brutally honest with me again; luckily, they know I prefer that. Today the query concerns the personal; it isn’t an unusual situation, nor particular to this woman and this man (me), but I get SO fucking irritated, and she becomes so confused, that we arrive at faulty solutions to our communication hurdles. This is usually solved by my “sailing on” and “letting it go,” but to tell you the truth, I’m a little fucking tired of always being the “large” one. I’ll get over it, of course I will; but for the moment, I feel underappreciated and horribly used. Not making it any better, I can see the confusion and sadness on my wife’s face when things come to this pass, not comprehending at all how I feel. Why don’t I tell her? I do; that seems to last 24 hours. I am almost afraid to say this, but I feel as if I am dealing with a person with diminishing capacities, but for the moment I refuse to believe that, seeing there only an angry pronouncement from my own ego. Oh Hades, I can’t tell you how badly this makes me feel, I who normally enjoy our partnership so much. My Heart is here today, and not happily. I take comfort in the opening statement of the accompanying book (“Tarot of the Holy Light: A Continental Esoteric Tarot” by Christine Payne-Towler; Noreah/Brownfield Press, 2015.) I’m simply going to cite a “running mishmash of nuggets” from there to give you an idea of how this card assuages as it diagnoses my troubled Heart; “. . .the boundary between the personal world and the public world. . . The warning color is here to remind us not to get too swept up in the moment’s action; this is just a skirmish . . . there is no need to aim for a kill . . . Pause and think . . . no need to imagine mortal enemies . . . Scuffling birds . . . circle of mutual agreement . . . the two can try out their newest moves and develop their skills by playing off each other.” The card has fallen upright, with Saturn in Libra “boost(ing) fair play and a level playing field, a situation that fosters everybody’s growth and learning.” (ibid) In response to this rather emotional mess going on over in the Heart, the Feather of Truth has sought refuge in . . . the truth, “Soldier on.”
The Knight of Disks says AT LEAST that to me. The Knight of Disks is Virgo, as is my Ascendant. I would never describe myself in the manner in which this knight is described in the author’s text, but only because that side of myself hardly ever occurs to me; it is so much more often eclipsed by the Swords or the Wands. Ms. Payne-Towler describes someone truly Earth-bound, in all the “good” senses of that qualifier. If you are familiar with J.R.R. Tolkien, he is a combination Tom Bombadil and Faramir, the Knight of Gondor who guards the Garden of Ithilien (an entire region.) The point being that this knight is an Enlightened Guardian of the land, and his rather Taurine nature shows up in his willingness to get his hands dirty in order to care for the land. Unfortunately, I can acknowledge (with wry humor) that I am NOT quite the physical culturist that the knight is: getting out in the fields and sweating alongside Cesar Chavez isn’t on my bucket list. (I’ll be the shaman back in the post-nuclear village, thanks.) The Knight is also absolutely uncaring about who is acknowledged for what, as long as it gets done and all can take pride in the accomplishment. There is a balm for my Heart in that; the to-and-fro going on between my wife and I CAN be forgotten in the glow of mutual comprehension if I wish it (I take my wife’s willingness to do so as granted, given the great open Truth visible in her Heart that she loves me and values our friendship above all others, except with herself [I would have THAT no other way, I assure you.]) To translate ALL of this to MY problem of the moment, there is no other way around it; I must needs be large AGAIN, because this is a lesson –gaaack! I love to learn, but I hate lessons. Conundrum, I know. Harrumph . . . tough shit, pal. Gird up your loins, this is no time to “have a moment” and slip back into egoism and blinkered world viewpoint. Take that handy Tetractys map you’ve got there and find your way down to the dirt to work it out and make it grow and blossom. I mean – look at that card. Out there, stripped down to loin cloth, carrying a spade, Skull Mountain and cold, skeletal sterility just to his left and his promised fruitful garden all around him, just waiting for him to bring it down to reality. On a physical level this simply is NOT me, but on a METAphysical level, oh yeah, I can do this, but I need to gather myself together and clean myself up from the thin layer of slime that resentment leaves and GET A GRIP. Good Horus, Mark, this is no time to stumble on the steps as you pass the 5th grade classroom door. Pull yourself together, man. It would be nice if our relationships fixed themselves, but they don’t. Today I ask the Cosmos to bless us ALL with an Understanding of and Compassion for the close relationships in our lives.