Monday, March 26, 2018

Good Morning and Welcome! to The Fool’s Tarot for 27/03/2018; the decks today remain unchanged, I like working with them right now. They’ve suddenly become an anchor in the maelstrom of confused feelings and torturous physical sensations. (If you aren’t aware, I have been diagnosed with cancer of the liver. We [doctors & I] are still gathering information before treatment begins. In a bizarre twist of fortune, I happen to be living in the best city in Europe for medical treatment; Montpellier is home to Europe’s oldest & largest medical school, and the entire community is very med-forward and tech-savvy.) So, I feel a bit like a rowboat on a stormy ocean, unsure of where the ground or the direction North is. The Sacred Tarot is helping me stay grounded and not lost in a cloud of conjecture mixed with fatalism. Onward and Upward! The draw for today 
is as follows: A) Guiding Arcanum = XVI the Obelisk; B) Male current = #68 Speculation; C) Female current = #65 Apprenticeship; my oracular card for today is #18 Human – “You are part of the human family. Share your gifts and learn from others.” (LWB.) Well . . . I simply have no choice but to smile wryly and utter a dry-throated laugh; not only do I “win” a diagnosis of cancer this week, today is my birthday, and for my birthday card the Sacred Tarot has given me . . . this. “Well, Fuck You, Mark, Fuck You, coming and going.” This really IS the story and pattern of my life, and I say that being only descriptive, not subjective. I have been condemned to make lemonade out of lemons from the very first day of my life here, and it has NEVER stopped. You eventually die of the addictions you develop to cope with this shitty turn of fate, or you learn the code of Irony backwards and forwards by heart, and you live by it, come what may. I am SICK of always being told, “Yeah, the shitstorm is here, and your life is in Hell, but look at the chance for Rebuilding after it has passed!!” Gag. Fuck you. I’m angry, and especially so that this seems to be a point that my subconscious needs to pick with me. WHY? Yes, of course this is unseen disaster; yes, of course, this is totally fucked-up and I may even die, but I CANNOT FUCKING STAND people blowing smoke up my ass when I am really in pain and/or trouble. Save your smoke, go blow it up your own ass, I have enough digestive track problems with liver cancer, thank you (location, location, location. Grin.)  Ah fuck, I don’t even have enough energy right now to put in a good “feeling offended.” And to top it off, the odd thing is that DESPITE all of this, I feel like I have a great life BECAUSE I AM CONSCIOUS. I know who I am, and I take responsibility for myself. Mortality hardly matters in light of what I know about my spirit, my soul. “Arcanum XVI: The Fragility in the act of consummating the designs of divine providence. It is symbol of the mystery of the severe surveillance encrypted in the letter Ain. It represents the principle of what is inscrutable, of the temporal, of the perishable as a determining cause of the evolution of beings and things. Modeling attribute: Virgo, 
abode of Mercury. In the Spiritual Plane is the awakening of understanding by virtue of the affliction that moves the spirit, the light of the superior becoming sensitive in the lower. In the Mental Plane it represents the nullity of the material values, the indigence of the intellectual achievements, the learning of the arrogance. In the Physical Plane it tends to the processes afflictive, rigor, severity, which in some way awakens the latent powers and banishes the reveries by temporal values. Transcendent Axiom: "Light of dawn, light of noon, light of dusk: what matters is let it be light.” As a predictor, it promises unforeseen accidents, storms, shocks, deaths, needs, benefits due to good and bad circumstances, reciprocity in love and in hate, in indifference and in zeal, in betrayal and loyalty.” (“La Cábala de Predicción” by J. Iglesias Janeiro; Kier, Buenos Aires, 1984.)  And now what can I say about the ‘Beige Bivalve’ today, uhmm? The BB is me, my male and female currents of the moment, their cooperation or lack thereof, etc. “Arcanum 68: Speculation as an act of value appraisal. It symbolizes the virtue of Human reasoning. Modeling attribute: It is associated with the planet Mercury, the letter Ll and the number 5. It represents the principle of directed industriousness. Transcendent axiom: "See your eyes without fear, and your hands with love." As an element of prediction, promises intelligent work, profitable learning, abundance of material goods, generosity, liberality, favorable news on monetary matters, correct calculation in what is started.” (Ibid) Do you see? This is a lovely card, and one to be taken with joy – is this how I feel today? Abso-fucking-lutely not. “Arcanum 65: Learning as teaching and warning. It symbolizes the human virtue of knowledge by experience. Modeling attribute: It is associated with the 
Moon, the letter J and the number 2. It represents the beginning of the discipline itself. Transcendent axiom: "Who adds science, pain adds, day or night, for their good". As a predictor, it promises internal and external teachings, defects and virtues, promotions and descents, protection of a person older in age and position, more fortunate for the future close to what the present suggests.” (Ibid) And here we have a GRAND leap into the silliness of an inappropriate card pulled on an issue of some importance to me. Yes, it is entirely possible that these cards can be read differently, even I could do that, to fit the current floorplan of what’s going on my life now, but that is REALLY reaching – “ignore his own possible farewell party and talk instead about 3rd and 4th degree sub-sub-sub-important in his life. The real unimportant crap. Yeah, do that, that should amuse him.” It does not. I must admit, of course, that I’m not exactly in a great place to objectively read the cards – HA! – so even I have an agenda here that is warping this reading a bit. I suggest to myself that I am angry, very angry, that at a time in my life when I have enough on my plate, medically speaking, this is thrown on, too. I’m angry that this is my birthday this year. (A couple of years ago it was my mother’s death on my birthday.) Well, let’s wrap it up there, I can’t see it getting “sweeter” if I continue – grin. I ask the Cosmos to grant us ALL the gift of self-deprecation today. Be Well! Be Zen. Be Blessed!!  

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